WHAT IS THE LORD TELLING YOU THIS DAY?

Every time I wake up in the morning, I have no clue of what God has in store for me.  The Rose you know who really preaches for you these much, is not as prayerful as you may think. I am this one woman who wakes up in the morning and I am clueless of what God has in store for me.  I have no this routine that I wake up, get my small mat, read the Bible, pray and bless my day.  This woman you see here struggles with routines and doing the same things every day.  I love doing things differently and that is why I do not have a fixed quiet time.  I love my quiet time at night when everything is quiet.  As much as I struggle with sleep that is my best time and I would rather just do a small quiet time but something impact full. 

I love and admire people who wake up early, at 3.00 a.m. to pray.  I have a lady friend who tells me she wakes up at night at 3.00 a.m. and leaves her husband sleeping to pray.  This girl just amazed me with this testimony and to be honest I will not lie to you, I need such a husband who will help me in that line.  Waking up early in the morning to pray, that is a gift for me because, since I got born again, I have always struggled with that.  Anyway, my point here today is, it does not matter how you do your morning devotion or evening devotion, my point here is, when you do all that, do you put it into practice?  You see, it is good to be used of God fully in a daily basis because God uses us in so many ways.  He does not judge us and take us as Holy as thou, He knows our weaknesses and that is why he compliments us with people, especially giving us husbands or wives who have what we do not have and gives them from us what we have and they do not have. 

I would love to be waking up at 3.00 a.m., to pray, but I wish I had that person who would encourage me to do that.  For sure it needs the grace of God.  I am not complaining but telling God to do something for me because on my own, I cannot.  I need that someone!  God is a faithful Father I know He has heard my prayer.  Amen!  Thank you Jesus! 

Anyway, today,  I wake up and decide not to go to the office as the normal way, and I decided to go to town to buy this “Dawa ya panya”  in other words, “Rat poison”  There are these rats that have given us hell on earth in our house.  We have tried to get rid of them and now it looks like a nightmare.  My elder son told me yesterday that we have to do something about these rats or else they will even eat us.  To be honest they are really giving us hell on earth.  Where they came from we do not know because we have lived in this house for more than 10 years and we have never had such an issue of rats.  But this time round, I feel like they have been sent to terrorize us.  Lord have mercy on us!  I took a mat to town and found myself at an Agro Chemist and bought the rat poison and decided to drop something to an office in town.  After that, I decided to visit a friend and just say hello as he has been saying hello to me in an abnormal way.  (as in we are not very close friends and this act is not a normal thing for me)

What am I talking about?  Well, this is a guy who may be, admires me from a far and in recent past he has been calling me and wishing me all the best.  Naturally, I am one of these women if you are a man you call me, I will judge you instantly.  As in, why are you calling me?  What debt do I have for you?  And many other questions will come my way just to know, why this man would call me once, twice, thrice and so on?  This is because of …….  That is a story for another day, but please guys do not be scared of me because as much as I talk like this, I need a man in my life but not just a man.  Yes, I said not just a man.  God knows.  Anyway, this guy has been calling me so many times and today I said let me just go and visit him and hear what he will tell me.  Of course I am blank on what to expect but on the other hand, you can guess the obvious! 

I know you are all wondering I am talking about someone in public.  One thing I know, he does not read my blog, we are not friends on Facebook and no one on this planet knows I talked to him but only him and God.  So stop fearing for him and saying that I am a bad girl I am talking about someone.  Remember I have not mentioned any name, and on this earth I never mention names, I just use my stories as illustrations to help people understand what I am talking about.  Please do not take any offence with my story but get my point.  I love my friends so much and I always wish them well and I pray for them for your information. But if there is one thing I love, is keeping peoples issues and lives to myself and God.  This is because I have been a victim of being bad mouthed by my haters and I have never loved that.  I know it is not good to talk about other people but I want you to understand, I am not talking about anybody here, I am must using my encounter as an illustration to pass my message in good faith. 

I will shock you, after I met him, he did not even show me any clue that he wants me, but he just wanted to say hello (remember I just told you I judge people especially men who call me).  Lord forgive me.  I sat next to him and this guy starts telling me his stories how he has lived in darkness, the things he has done in the past that are not good and many not positive things. Now what shocked me more is the fact that he had received Christ as His Personal Savior long time ago, but he has never had any relationship with Him even a single day.  What he remembers is that, he did confess Him and that was it.  His story just amazed me that God can spare his life these much, and he has not told the world his testimony and has nothing to do with the Lord.  I asked him why can’t he rededicate his life to Christ and see how much he will be blessed, and how things will change in his life for better, and he told me, the only thing that makes him not have anything to do with us Born Again Christians and Salvation is that, we do not accept people who are polygamous and he does not entertain us.  To my surprise he told me he goes to a Church that I love so much and I was shocked he can be in such a Church and live the life he is living.  " But i doubted him as i felt inside my heart, that he was just telling a lie that he goes to that Church"   I doubted him because there is no way one can be in such an impact full Church and remain the same.  Unless he has a very hard heart for sure.  

Then immediately the Holy Spirit started whispering to me, you should bring him back to my Kingdom and immediately I started the evangelism thing.   When i say evangelism thing, i do not mean i started condemning him and calling him names.  No!  I started first thanking him for his testimony and related  his life with a changed life through Christ basing on the Word of God.  My friend, all what I was hearing from him was sweet and good story to me, but when it was my turn to tell him what was in my mind, everything changed as I was telling him about God; how he can restore him and make him whole again and change his life.  I told him he should not look at the past but look at the future.  The past is gone and behold  the new has come and he needs Jesus like never before.  Let me tell you, immediately I started telling him all that, he had some work on his desk that he was not doing when I was listening to him, but now that I was talking to him, he had all the time to work at the same time listen to me but i realized he did not pay any attention to me.  

Today, I confirmed men do not multitask.  His mood changed, and he could not listen to what I was telling him.  He starting moving in and out and I just sat there waiting for him to settle down I continue with my evangelism, but I hit a rock, as I was talking to myself.  What!  The guy had nothing to do with me anymore and he became so busy.  I told him, “I want to leave that time I report to work as I had not even reported to work.”  He responded to me very fast before I even finished my statement and said “Let me release you, go well, we will talk later” With those few remarks, I left his office not feeling so nice because of the rejection. 

Then I asked the Lord, “Now, that is what you wanted me to do?”  Then the Lord told me in a soft voice, “You have just finished your mission, you have planted the seed and someone will water it, another one will take care of it and I will grow it.”  I felt encouraged and thanked the Lord that He sent me to talk to the man.  

As I am writing this,  the Lord reminds me of these two ladies I also met in an office before i visited this friend am talking about, whom i really encouraged after i found them in this big office, whereas they have been in a wilderness for like 2 years now, in relation to their work place.  And today I found them together in this big office after they were separated for two years and have suffered like hell in different offices where they had not settled, and I encouraged them and told them that, I see their God lives and He is a living God if for sure, such a time they can be in such an office.  I was really encouraged to see them together in this big office.  Do you know what the Lord told me? I am soon also coming to Canaan from Egypt and that point was so profound  to me because, if their God can come for them, then what about me?  I have been in the wilderness for 5 years now in relation to my work, but now I am convinced that, my God is also coming he will restore for me all what the locust have eaten and the years lost.  I am encouraged to listen to him and serve him where I am and not to wait until he blesses me. 

You know I am a woman of many words, if I do not stop here I might write and write and write.  But I want to encourage you servant of God.  You have done what you need to do as a child of God, do not get tired serving God.  If he sends you here or there, do not ask Him questions, be ready to be used of him and leave everything to him because He is God and all things work together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose.  Do not give up even when you share the Good News and people just shun you.  Just do your part and leave the rest to the Lord.  Be encouraged in the Lord and wait upon him.

For you who do not know Christ as your Lord and Saviour, will you give him a chance in your life to be your Lord and Savior?  If you slipped a bit and you want to rededicate your life to Christ, please do so because God is waiting for you, to bless you, to give you a new beginning and to restore you by replacing all what the evil one has stolen from you and crown you with His glory until you will be a story to be talked about.  What are you waiting for?  Please come to the Lord and your life will never be the same.  I will not get tired praying and sharing the Word with my friend that I was talking to this morning because I know one day he will accept the message of salvation.  And it is my prayer that I will always use the opportunity that God gives me to serve him because opportunities are always with us, it’s only that we are ignorant or we do not listen to the Holy Spirit. 

As I conclude, let me bless you and say, may the Lord bless you and keep you.  May He speak to you always and help you  live for Him and He may he never put you to shame but lift you and crown you with is Love and Glory. In Jesus Name i pray.  Amen!

Be blessed and have a lovely time.

CONFESSION MOMENT

Every time i go to these 'meetings', there is this one ice breaker that always makes me feel cold.

"WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING THING THAT YOU HAVE EVER DONE AND YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER IT NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WANT TO FORGET ABOUT IT?"

Gosh! Every time this query is asked i get a chill because something very embarrassing happened to me nearly 8 years ago. Let me share it so that i can make you understand why i always feel embarrassed.  But before i share this story, what is that sin that really puts you off and makes you feel like sinking underground, when people mention it.   It is good to note that all of us are sinners and we are all working to correct an anomaly in our lives.  I do not want to judge anyone here because i am a sinner and i have things i struggle with.  But i want to encourage you today that, you can overcome your struggles. I have worked on them and i have kicked most of them and i am wired for greatness.

So, do not be embarrassed but just tell it to God and ask him to guide you on how to overcome it. I know some things  are better when not told but i would encourage you, to choose a friend to share with, the one you trust because healing comes faster when we confess and have people to account to because they keep a check on us.  I am also here to be used of God to help you.  Do not shy away.  You can call me on 0721705788 during working hours; i will help you a great deal and walk you through it. (Though is not a must)

Back to my embarrassing moment.

There is this term "Hubby".   When i first heard of it, i did not really know what it meant.  For me, i thought it meant a "Friend".  So, what did i do? A very good friend invited me for his goat eating party and i was really excited and happy for him.

This day comes and to be honest i had really kept something good to contribute for the goat eating party and i could not hide my joy. Introduction time came and everyone introduced themselves saying who they are to the two friends who had invited us for the party. Whey my turn came, i said, 'My name is Rose Gatobu and so and so is a very good "Hubby" of mine and i am very excited to be here today.' Gosh! You can imagine the look on people’s faces after i introduced myself. I was shocked and terrified why everyone was not amused with my introduction. I started checking on my dress; if you are a woman you understand what i mean, because i could not understand why everyone was not amused and had these looks on their faces.

To be honest no one told me anything and everyone started looking at me very funny. I wondered all along what was wrong because everyone assumed and they just talked through actions rejecting me and whispering to each other.

I felt so bad but no one explained to me what wrong did i say. I went home so down and wondering what was wrong with my introduction.  The guy, because he was a colleague, from that day he stopped talking to me and that even shocked me more. I kept wondering what I really said that was that bad.  Time went and one time, i was in another meeting and someone said, "This is my Hubby”, as they were holding hands and exchanging their love languages to each other. And immediately the Holy Spirit revealed to me, "Hubby" means husband.  That is like a short form and not a "friend".  What????? I could not imagine how wrong i was all those days when i did not know.  I really felt embarrassed and understood why people did not approve my introduction that day at the party of my friend. You see how the Holy Spirit is our helper.

After the revelation of the meaning of the word “Hubby”, that truth has never left me as an embarrassment as I always feel so awkward, knowing the pain i caused the couple and their friends just because of my naivety.   I learnt my lesson that day; if you do not know the meaning of something, just ask. It will cost you nothing but live informed and at peace.

I lost a friend from that time, because, to date that guy does not talk to me. He never even told me that i hurt him as i could have explained to him, that i did not know the real meaning of a hubby if that was my error, so that he could have come to term with what i said innocently.  I have lived with that embarrassment to-date and the most painful thing is that i lost a dear friend. We meet in the streets of Nairobi and we do not say hello to each other. Actually he behaves like he has never seen me in this life yet we worked together in the same institution. I have always wondered what on earth can I do, to tell him that i was wrong and i needed his forgiveness to mend the relationship for Christ's sake.  Though we no longer work in the same Ministry to date, i always pray that God allows us to meet one day and i tell him the truth and make him understand the whole truth. 

I will purpose next time when, i bump on him in the streets of Nairobi i will tell him. (I wonder, but how?)  The Holy Spirit will help me, that is not a great deal as my Pastor shared with us yesterday 3^rd Jan 2016, in our Sunday Service that, this year, The Holy Spirit will be upon us, and He will direct and tell us on how to go about many things that we do not understand as long as we are focused on Him (Jesus) and His glory will fall on us.   I am happy that i did not break his relationship because he married the girl two weeks after the goat eating, i guess now they are 8 years in marriage.

My question to you today is, what is your most embarrassing thing or moment? What are those things that you do that are not godly and they really make you feel guilty and some how embarrassed?  Look up to Jesus he will forgive you from all unrighteousness if you confess your sins. 1st John 1:8-10 (If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.)

Be blessed and enjoy the start of the Year by making confessions and working on your flaws. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016

HOW DO WE CRITICIZE?

When God allowed me to fellowship at Mavuno Church for nearly 5 years, before i left, i learnt so much and i do not regret being in that Church even a single minute; because they produced a fearless woman who is wired for greatness in her Ministry.  The leader i am today was made my Mavuno Church and that for sure no one can change.  When i first entered that church, the first thing that i felt was, this is home. 

The reason why i made it home was because you are taken the way you are and you are appreciated with all your mess/flaws/issues.  What???  Yes, in Mavuno, you sit with people who have these issues and for sure no one will look at you with those eyes of, 'Do you know you are in Church and you should come here when you are sober or not in that mini skirt?'  At Mavuno, that is not a wonder. That is actually a blessing because people are ready to walk with you and help you overcome your issues/flaws/weaknesses e.t.c.

When i entered this church to be precise, there were a few things i did not really agree with, but that does not mean other Churches do not have things that i do not agree with.  I have hopped Churches for long and i can tell you, the many things i did not agree with all the Churches i have ever attended.  However, my biggest lesson about church hopping is this; no Church is perfect, just as no one is perfect.  We all have flaws that God deals with in us, on a daily basis and he perfects us through His Son Jesus Christ.  My advice to all those that have never Church hopped or are still Church hopping,  please stick to where you fellowship unless the Lord sends you out, as he did with me from Mavuno to where i am today.  (This is a story for another day.  But i am happy where i am). 

In my case, i would never have dreamt out of Mavuno even a single day as i had found a home.  But the Lord clearly told me that, i was just there to be coached to be a Leader and a Leader who is fearless, and that is exactly who Rose Gatobu is today.  A FEARLESS WOMAN WHO IS WIRED FOR GREATNESS.  Where i fellowship today, I see so much i will do for the Ministry because i have all it takes to serve there, and i thank God i had passed through Mavuno to get the training's and the many things i learnt when i was there.  One aspect that made me love Mavuno is, the aspect of being sincere and open and telling all, of who exactly you are (being real).  Very few Churches do that, and it is from that openness and sincere virtue that i have found myself being so real to an extent that people hate me for being real and honest.  One wonders why real people are never liked. 

 Let me tell you.  By the time i left Mavuno, God had dealt with nearly all my issues and today i am a free Woman of God.  If there is anyone who can point a finger at me, let him or her do it right now.  The last person that i would have expected to do that would be my Ex who hurt me so deep.  When i asked God to help me get rid of him, he did something i will never forget and i was able to come out of that stronghold that was tearing me apart from God.  Today i am set free because, that is the only person who would have stood up and say Rose is lying because she says she is born again and she sleeps around with me (Fornication).  These are things many people in Church are struggling with, and if one asks me how i overcame, i will always tell my story.  How many people are in Church today, and can stand up and tell us the things they are doing in the secret that are not right?  When Sunday comes, we see everyone in their Sunday best and we would think we are all angels and yet inside us we have struggles that are weighing us down.   Can you dare like me and say things exactly as i am doing if you are bold enough? It is not an easy thing to do if that is not a calling my dear friend.    Then, why would you want me to live a lie and expect me to serve God in Truth and Spirit?  I am talking boldly today because God has delivered me and i would also want others to be delivered.   Today i am as a clean woman who has been set free as the most of the shit i had, i have dealt with it, by the power of my Lord.  I know i am not perfect still but one day at a time as the Lord perfects me.  

As much as you will stand up and tell me you do not want to hear about my sleeping around, the many men that i have dealt with whom i have shared about, the children i have out of wedlock, the way i lack and most of the time i advertise it here on my page, and many other things that i share on this blog and Facebook, that are too personal and you feel, Rose is out of her mind; i want to ask you one query; what have you shared with us, as something you have struggled with and conquered it to encourage us who have been struggling all this time and we need to be set free like you and you have not shared?    If you are not selfish why do you just celebrate yourself and yet we should be celebrating our victories together?  My joy today is that, i do not try to show the world how holier than thou i am and yet i know inside myself i am rotting and i am wired for Hell.  Lord, thank you for making who i am, because every day you make me to be more like you and i am proud of whom i am in Christ Jesus.  Amen!

So what about criticism?  I nearly forgot that was the main thing in my writing today.    What i want to say is this, the first time i heard about personalities was at Mavuno Church, where I was given this CD as a present, as a new visitor in that Church.  When i went home i put it in my DVD player and Pastor M and Pastor Carol talked so well about personalities and gave their testimonies how they had to cope with their different personalities and realized their personalities were meant to compliment them and not shutter them.  Actually it reached a point where they thought they were not meant to be, as they all did things so differently.  Thanks be to God, when they learnt about their personalities and why they behaved the way they behaved, made them to be so close and built a very strong relationship. 

After doing a test on personalities i came to realize that i am a Choleric Sanguine.  This personality is not a joke!  It is the second strongest extrovert personality that i do not think many would love, especially when you read about their flaws.  Now i know why people do not love me that much.  Why? Because of my personality.  Simple!  But who can change who God created me to be?  Only God can do that.  Needless to say, to be very honest, people of my personality, hate criticism.  This is one of our flaws.  I won’t mention the others for now but you can google and get all what i am talking about in relation to personalities.    For a fact, when you criticize us, our friendship ends there.  That is because we believe in ourselves; which is very wrong, but that is who we really are in the real sense.  However, there is hope for us, when we get born-again that is people with this personality, we take criticism very keenly, but first, we coil ourselves and then we go to consult with the Holy Spirit who interprets the criticism amicably and we come out with the answers that God reveals to us and expects us to execute them as children of God.  That is the sweetest thing because if you lie on your own understanding you can mess up.   

God has always given me directions, some he tells me to take them up and others he tells me, they are just ways of intimidating me and i leave them at that.  I had a tendency of hating people who criticized me in the past, but God has taught me how to love them the way they are and prove to them that they are very wrong in the way they think about me and  clearly God reveals to them why i had to share my testimonies for His glory.  I will honestly say, God does it through the guidance of the Holy Spirit as many confess to me later on.    That for sure has worked for me and i thank God that my honesty and openness has helped me conquer most of my weakness.  I do not need to hate anyone who does not agree with me, but i need to take criticism positively if it is genuine and drop it, if it is meant to hurt and  humiliate me. 

I had this conversation with Him (Holy Spirit) a few days ago, where someone echoed exactly the same words another person did in the past, who criticized me about how i talk and what i say.  Most of the time, i find myself talking about my very deep personal things in public in a very innocent way, in the name of wanting to make things clear or help someone struggling to know they are not the only ones struggling, with no offense about it, only to find out later there are those that were not amused and others appreciated.  

Immediately i say anything, i always get people who praise me and say, "Rose to be honest you are very honest and courageous woman and not many can say the things you say” and they tell me,  "You really encourage us and give us hope about our weakness that God can also help us and set us free."   And the other lot says, "We do not want to hear about your mess or the things you do not like or like, nobody will support you even if you tell us all about your issues.  We all have our past, so, what are you telling us?  No wonder people run away from you, hate and reject you, because of your flaws and no one wants to be associated with you, keep your secrets, secret and die with them if you want people to love you and respect you" 

Who wants to hear the latter version, as it is always my hardest thing to hear from people whom you think love you and yet they think that negative or bad about you.  As much as people love keeping things to themselves and it is a good idea, let us separate when it is a testimony to help others come of the problem than making it personal.  I am not very happy when i expose myself most of the time because i know the repercussions, as i have always indicated and clarified that, this is my Ministry.  God can not allow you to go through painful experiences and give you victory to keep them to yourselves.  He wants you to use your testimony to build, encourage and correct others so that they can see their victories too in Christ Jesus.  What do you do when you find yourself in my shoes?    Most of the people in my shoes, get depressed, hate themselves and get lost through confusion.  As for me i go to Jesus and ask Him what to do.  And He clearly tells me that, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made".  Amen!  He also tells me "Before i was in mother’s womb, He knew me.” Amen!  He also tells me that "All things work together for good to those that are called according to his purpose” Amen!  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  My list is endless if you know where i am quoting all these Words from.  For the sake of those who do not know, when does Jesus tell me all that, it is in His Book the Bible.  Now you know.  

When you look at those two remarks i have mentioned, you will get confused and wonder which one do you believe in.  The one that people are praising you for who you are, or the one that people are judging you from?  Let me be very candid today here on this blog  and other places that i talk or express myself in.  I do not say anything that is not good about me, so that people can emulate me, but i do talk about my weakness so that i get help, and also help those that have the same weakness and give them hope from my testimonies.   

You can imagine when one knows you have been a drunk, a prostitute, a thief, an adulterer, and they suffer the same problems and they hear how God helped and delivered you, they tend to get attracted to you and want to be helped and be set free like you.  That is the essence of my sharing and not to paint a picture of how bad i am and no one should relate with me because of my struggles.    Very few people would want to be as real as i am, but God knows why he allowed me to be the way i am so that he can use me for his Glory.  The biggest thing i have struggled with since i was a small child has been REJECTION.  And until the Lord revealed to me why i get all these rejections (because i do not know how to hide my problems and weakness and thus many people judge me).  One time i cried to Him and asked him why i am always rejected and i understood so many things about me that were beyond my control contributed and he comforted me by making me understand that even him who is God has been rejected.  So who tells me i will be loved especially when God wants to use me?  When i read from the Word of God, people like David, Joseph, Mary, Moses, Caleb, Abraham, Jacob, Isaac and the rest did not have a bed of roses in their journey of their call.   They went through fire and God took them through until they fulfilled their purpose on what God had called them to do.  What is so different from me who is being used of God to be a World Changer through my pain, joy, weaknesses, strengths and so on and forth?  No one will love me and the few that God will put my way, who love me for who i am, will support me to the very end  because God ordained them to love me just the way i am and to me, that is a miracle!  Halleluyah.  (Credit goes first to  my children and my family who have always loved me for who i am and a few friends).

If you are waiting to be loved when you are real and say things the way they are, my friend, you will have no friends.  But what the Lord is telling you and me who has this personality, is that, be strong and courageous.  Not all will admire you for who you are, because most of the time they will see you as a threat, competitor, you do not deserve, who are you, who do you think you are and so on.  

So, love yourself for who you are, because even those who criticize you negatively crave to be who or what you are but they can not.  If someone really loves you, they should come openly and tell or teach you to be another better personality they think is the best.  Unfortunately, no personality is better than the other because they are all meant to compliment us and make us all to be world changers.  No one can change who God created you to be and people will always try to pin you down,  shut you up and make you feel so stupid and yet you are supposed to be who God created you to be.   It is not wrong to be who you are, but it is good to take positive criticism because they will make you a better person and a positive world changer. 

When i talk that boldly and fearlessly about criticism, i do not mean all criticism is wrong, what i want to say today here before the year ends is, can we be calculative when we want to criticize others in a godly way. Not in a way that you make one feel so intimidated and full of good for nothing feelings.  There is a way you can tell someone in correction in a positive way and not a way that looks so judgmental.     

Those two ladies who have called me aside and told me Rose we do not like the way you talk, have  hurt me because they have never taught me how to talk good or help me to be like them who are good when they talk.  I know they wish good for me and they would want me to express myself in a different way, but why would they explode a bomb to me and leave the bomb shells with me and i wonder will the bomb shells really help me to get the change they want from me?  I guess the best way to help me is to introduce me to a counselor who will be able to handle me in a professional way because i have never been counseled in my life time.

Unfortunately, they leave it at that and i wonder where will i get a class that will help me know how to talk and express myself in a better way.  The fact that i am always left to feel so silly for whom i am and good for nothing as i feel so much judged, makes feel bad and  I can't advocate to anyone.  If i have to criticize someone, i will say the facts and how to help the person and not just gossip and talk to others about them and not help them.   I know we all have issues but pinning others down because of a weakness or weaknesses they have, instead of helping them, kills me and i can never agree with that.  Take it from me.   

Usually i take the criticism so positive and pray to be what they always want me to be.  But it is not that easy as you do not know what is people's expectation and most of the time i have kept quiet or avoid them who criticize me  and that has not helped me so much, until i take it to the Lord in prayer, that is when he has given me the best solution than keeping quiet and running away from the reality.     I heard someone say the other day,  'Rose nowadays does not talk much' and i love it that way because that is what people want from me.    But I wish they visited my Facebook page and know where i take my talks.  I always feel free talking there through my writing than telling anyone anything because i do not know how people will take it.  To me, that is the safest place for me or this blog to express myself and get relieved.   No one talks back to me, as they keep everything to themselves and that is a good thing.  In the process, i am able to say exactly what i wanted to say and help those i wanted to help and for the angels, they can wait for me in Hell, but they will be shocked the way tables will be turned.  I will be in Heaven and not the Hell they have always thought i will be and they will wonder and ask God, 'What happened, we thought we lived a better life than Rose.  We were holier than thou God, what exactly is this that you are doing?' On the other hand, i will be celebrating with my Lord because i will have done my work according to the purpose he created me for and i will take my position as a good faithful servant. I am not trying to judge here or show the world how holy i am, but i want us to look deep down at our hearts before we criticize others and pin them down negatively.  

I am not blowing my own whistle about what will happen in Heaven because God knows, but i just put a picture to help us know, not what we think will really happen as we know from the word, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him".  We should therefore, leave God to be the the judge; and  love and bear one another in both good and the bad but purpose to correct the bad in a good way not in a way of tearing one another.     

As we go to 2016 let us work on ourselves.  I have come to realize we have worked on others too much and forgot the whole problem is not others but us.  Why don't you just take a moment and just look at yourself and ask God to forgive you where you hurt others through your words, behaviors, dressing, handling others, conflicts and others.  That of course will start with me.  I have pinched myself that, when i talk to anyone henceforth,  i will be very careful, but when i want to correct an anomaly, i promise, i will not sugar coat it, but say it as it is.  I know i will not be loved anyway, but i will bring that positive change that i intended to bring.   I do not care how much i will be rejected but how much i will help and bring a positive change around me.  That is me. 

As i close the year 2015.  I beg you all please, if i have offended you, hurt you, said anything that you did not agree with, please forgive me from the bottom of my heart. If there is a way you can help me to be a different person, i am ready to change but you have to do it in a godly way so that you do not hurt me too. 

God bless you as you continue enjoying the Christmas season. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2016!

I HAVE CRIED… YES I HAVE

Crying is normal to all human beings especially when they want to express their inner feelings that none can understand, but can only be seen through the cry whether loud or with tear drops.   As I have said, I have cried many times and today I cried like a baby. Why did I cry?  I did not really fathom the pain and bitterness that was piling up inside my heart until a colleague did something that triggered my cry.  Everyone in the office was so shocked that such a woman can sit down and cry her heart out without feeling any shame like a baby.   (What a shame, but do I care?) 

Most of the time we are told not to cry in front of people because it portrays a very bad picture and people will look down upon us.    I will totally disapprove and say, that is not me.  If I am pressed down and made breathless I will cry my heart out to release what is inside me.  That has really helped me so much because when I look at the things I go through, if I carried all that baggage, one day I would explode and I do not think it will be a good thing for me.  The best thing for me is to release all what is inside me, when it is triggered so that I am set free.   I am saying when it is triggered because, most of the time we do not understand the things that pile inside our hearts,  as when people look at us, think things are fine with us, whereas in the real sense we are hurting so much deep inside us.  But when something triggers the hurts to come out, my friend, that is when you realize what mountain you were carrying inside you, that you could not fathom it was, until the trigger triggers it and you explode. 

Of course the crying moments are not my best moments in terms of what people will think about me, but they are my release moments that set me free and show whom I really are, as that time, I am as good as naked and that is what many people will not want any person to know about them, that is, their weakest point.  That is when people understand that I have been going through so much pain but I have been keeping it to myself.  That is the time I pour out my heart and say exactly what is paining me and people understand the root cause of my cry and the pain coming out of my cry as I say it then.  Of course there are those that will be disappointed with my cry because, they are the cause of my cry and that is a sign of setting them up, and there are those that really feel me because they were going through the same pain but they had nothing to do but to keep it to themselves and never cry.  Happy are those around me, in my shoes, because a crybaby will make their pain be known and they will be met at their very point of their need, as they sail the same boat with me, and the issue will be handled amicably and the story afterwards will be, ‘If it was not for Rose’s cry, we would never have been helped’.  Sometimes it is good to cry out your heart and save the many people around you who are in pain and yet they cannot express themselves.    When I say people to cry, I am not meaning people to be crying here and there like crybabies.   No!  What I mean here is that when you have to, cry it out as it is a therapy that sets you and others free.   

It is important to note that, to be a world changer you have to be radical and a don’t care person (not in terms of wrongs/negative).  But in terms of bringing positive change that not many embrace because, those who do extraordinary things usually, they are extra ordinary and fearless in the way they think and do their things.  When they succeed, that is when everyone wants to be associated with them.  This is because when you listen to the many voices that surround you; you will never do what your inner person tells you because that is where your strength sits. 

Let me give a very good example.  When one of our own Kenyan son, Julius Yego (Javelin World Champion  - 2015), won his Gold and title, everyone especially us Kenyans we were so excited and celebrated him so much and took the Kenyan glory as he is part of our family.  But to tell you the truth, in the past years, months and days, we were the same people who were finding him very ridiculous and wondered how on earth someone can train through YouTube?  To us, that was madness of the highest order.  I can imagine those who were nearer him were telling him to stop being a fool.  Unfortunately, Yego did not listen to those negative words but relied on his innate strength that lead him to those who were seeing something that was positive in his ability; and those people are the ones who supported him all through to his success; and I am giving credit to his trainer on YouTube who saw the interest, talent and victory in this young man’s life.  I am proud of you, Julius Yego! Yes I do, because you make me not give up on what I want to pursue but you give me so much hope when there is no hope. I even over heard someone comment about him and said, for him to be listed to go and play, one said, “this crazy guy thinks he will make it, but let us just give him a chance and see if he will make it really”.  That was his starting point as he continued to prove to the world he was not a mad person but knew what was inside himself that needed to come out.  That gives me so much hope that nothing is impossible with God. When given a chance, you can all do exploits that you can’t think of or imagine. 

God’s time is always the best time and I know the tears you cry out just because someone has made you cry, or the hardships and struggles that you are going through have weighed you down,  those tears, will be wiped away by God, do not give up.  Julius Yego, I guess in his closet cried to his God and God heard his cries and today he is a World Record Champion in Javelin.  What am I talking about?  It will cost you a cry, for you to reach your destiny. Can you cry the more and do exactly what you ought to do.  You better cry a million times to succeed than to corrupt to succeed.  You might not cry when you are corrupt to succeed but the day you will be paying the price you will cry your heart out, unfortunately that time you will be crying out paying the price and that will not be the best thing.

Today I am at peace and all what was inside me eroded away when I cried out.  What I mean, the pain has not gone away, but now I can sit, eat and do many other things without thinking about it and I have left it to God so that he can fight it for me.  He has done that in the past and I have come out victorious and most of the time I forget that I went through some pain.  When they come back, I am reminded that the battle is not mine but the Lords and the more I meet the challenges ahead of me, God is making me a stronger person in me day by day and I am very sure tomorrow I will not be the same person.

Of course I will not cry about the same thing, but I will encourage someone else who will be going through what I have gone through and give her or him hope, that all is not lost and crying is not a crime but a way of expressing our pain and disappointment.  Have you cried in the recent past or crying as you are reading this.  Do not give up.  Help is on your way.  Be positive, think positive and take things lightly.  You may wish to cry your heart out, not necessarily like me in front of people but even in that closet of yours where no one is seeing you but God.  He will answer your cry and restore for you all what you have lost.  Just believe and trust in Him that he is able to fight the battles for you.  Be encouraged as I encourage myself. 

God bless you so much and keep you.