I have been asking God this for the last two weeks. This is because I did something thinking it will help me out of my financial problems now and in the future.
Now I have problems multiplying from one to another and I am like, really! Did I make the right choice?
Sometimes I get bogged by the choices I make and I get freaked out because of the consequences of my choices. It always seems so right and perfect when we are making our choices and we see the good and the positive part of it. But what happens when things do not go our way? Most of the time we curse ourselves, we brand ourselves badly, we always think we are unlucky and so on and so forth.
In the past two weeks imagine I made a choice that has made me wonder if I was right or wrong because things have just gone sour from the sweet I thought.
Have you imagined when you are trusting God for school fees for your children of not less than forty thousand shillings, and God provides it pap. But instead of paying the school fees you put it in business and after sometime you see nothing coming your way. What do you do? You will think you are a fool of high class and you live to regret.
I am not talking about someone else, but myself. Yes I look stupid and silly such a time. This has not occurred to me once or twice. But why can’t I learn from my mistakes? Most of the time I love guys who do not risk take because they never lose I guess. But for me I can’t learn from my lessons, losing money from the Pyramid, from the Safaricom IPO, loaning a friend, giving in church out of guilt persuasion and so on and fourth. Rose, when will you learn your lesson? I wonder too. But imagine I do not feel any guilt at all. Because I do not think feeling guilt or stupid will change who I am. I have realized that is how I was created. What motivates me is when I loose and that gives me a lot of hope that something good will come my way.
Are you crazy? One will ask. I will answer, imagine I am very normal and I know I am not alone. We are many out there. We never learn from our mistakes especially where we lose. What am I talking about?
Today I am even trying to borrow friends very little money to survive for only today and everyone is crying when I am crying. I have borrowed everywhere I think I can borrow, but I can’t get any assistant. I can’t believe last week I had more than forty thousand shillings and today I can’t even afford 100 shillings. What is all this? I guess it is life because to day I do not have but tomorrow I will have so much that I will even give blindly forgetting yesterday I did not have. But guess what? I have not slept hungry nor have I gone to work on foot. It has been two weeks of hardship but two weeks of seeing God open for me doors and doing what I do every day when I have money.
What am I saying? I am saying that God knows when we are down and when things are not going well with us. Before, if I was in the state I am in I would really panic and have no peace. But I got to know the secret. The secret is just to surrender to Christ and let him be king of your life. When you do that, you will see your life moving on like normal whereas you know things are not good. You will have children who will be in school with no school fees but the peace you have is sufficient because you can’t go to steal and God knows you need that money.
You have bills to pay and they are just looking at you waiting to ask you, do you know you are supposed to clear us as soon as possible?
Your stomach tells you it wants food and not just food but well balanced food and that fridge of yours is empty, switched off and you need to eat every day not only you, but your children too. My friend I have come to realize, life is not about what I do not have but the peace I have from my Lord Jesus. What am I talking about? I will tell you, that child who has gone to school will be among those who will not be chased away for school fees just because God knows that you will be getting that money in two months time or less. So, do not panic but continue to be in his presence so that you can have the fellowship and he will comfort you as you wait. That is what I am talking about. When you switch off that fridge, he makes sure there are people who surround your estate, who are not very well to do people but they earn a living by coming every morning to your estate and cook chapatis for 10 shillings and boil Kitheri (maize and beans cooked) and you buy from 20 shillings and below and you survive for that day.
He makes sure that as much as you do not have that fuel he will connect you with a friend who wants to go to a meeting but has money but does not have a car and he or she tells you, please fuel the car with this money i have we go together and you survive like that until the month ends and you are like, are you sure it was January?? That is what I am talking about.
My friend, do not worry about what you do not have. Embrace a friend who is Jesus Christ who is always sufficient. He will keep you calm and collected when things are so bad. He will give you peace that surpasses all understanding. He will come for you when you are walking around with an handbag that is open without a zip and when you open your mouth and talk you talk so good English and you look so noble but all that goes tumbling down because you can’t afford a decent handbag, good shoes or a good hair do. To me all these are luxuries but when God gives me the money I will shock the world that, that is not what I am always. There is a better me after I have learnt my lessons and God has given me wisdom on how to manage my time, money and every opportunity that he gives my way.
Do not be discouraged my friend but be focused on the one who gives and not what we are given. He is more than everything and that is the best friend to have every time because you will never regret. This friend is no one else but Jesus Christ the Son of God who died for you and me.
He is worth everything in this earth because everything belongs to him whether good or bad.
Have a blessed day and remember, it is not about your mistakes from the choices you make, but the love you have for him who called you and who makes your life good when in both good and bad. Because with life you can never know when you make the right choices but trust in him who will never leave you nor forsake you.
You will only understand that you made a good choice when things go right. I am saying this because sometimes we make the right choices but on the way we realize they were not the right choices. You are not supposed to beat yourself silly, but to go back to the drawing board and check where you went wrong and get it right. Do not sit down there to regret and start cursing God and thinking he does not love you. He does love you so much. He only wants to mold you and make you the person he really wants you to become through your weaknesses and failures.
God bless you and have a lovely weekend!