Friday, 23 May 2014


Every time I come here on this blog of mine, I pour out to you, all I have in my heart, not because I do not know what I am doing.  I post all what I post in relation to what I go through or face, just as a way of encouraging you, that, you are not alone when you go through what you go through.  The purpose of writing it down and saying as it is, is because I want to share what I have an experience about and not hear say.  Thank you so much for all the people who open and read my blog.  I am shocked as in from the time I started posting I have over 1700 people who have opened my blog.  It is my hope and prayer that they open and read not just flip on it and close.   I will not take it for granted because you are my unseen funs that I encourage and I pray that the Lord speaks to you through my writing.   To be honest I am not an expert I just write from my heart and I have never gone to any school of writing as you can see I write just like a lay man and not an expert.  As I said again on another post, I am not even a Pastor.  So just understand I write all this from a personal point of view.  My prayer is that, do not look for the expertise in it, but look at what the Lord is teaching or saying to you.  That is the most important point. I will also apologize that sometimes I find errors much later when I have posted my script which is not a very good gesture, but in future, I will be more careful. 

In 2011, I was going through a very tough time in my life, which included a very bad experience with my second born baby pregnancy in 2009.  That was a tough pregnancy and I always dread it.  At the same time I had a battle from my place of work.  I remember I had just finished a three days fast and immediately after the fast, one day when I walked in to my office, my boss who never used to talk to me or ask me anything, just came in and started throwing words towards me that were so intimidating and very embarrassing.  Somehow, I reacted out of it and I blew it out of proposition.  I told her what was exactly in my mind that really intimidated her and made her feel looked down upon.    I understood so well that she did that so that she can clearly tell me that she did not like me nor did she want me to work for her any more.  But that moment was a very good moment to part ways in a dramatic way that it was, which was also a prayer answered because I was tired of the way I was treated in that office and  little did she know I was also waiting for the moment too.  Immediately she told me to pack and go, I did exactly that and left her office.  Of course as I write, it sounds a very small misunderstanding which resulted to a small confrontation, but those who were there in real sense, saw the real drama because it was not just a joke confrontation from a boss and her secretary.  To cut the long and not so sweet story short, I left that office and went to report to the Human Resource Manager who of course would support my boss and not me as it has always been with the system of Civil Service.    Of this I knew, but my prayer was that am not sacked but just disciplined because of my insubordination behaviour which was on purpose.  I did that not because I am a terrible person, but I wanted to show my boss that I had just kept quiet all the time not because I did not see her frustration and intimidation, but I knew I was just there for a reason and a season, of which the end of the season had come, though it came the hardest way and in a drama like show.  As I said in my earlier post, people do not reason with me most of the time.   I do not know why, especially people that are negative and who look down upon others.  That experience forced me to be sent home for three days off so that they deliberate on where else they can transfer me to.  Thanks be to God it was to be a transfer and not a sacking.

After the three days, I was posted to another office that was equally the same, but this time round the person I was sent to, claimed to be born again and a pastor.  To me I was so excited that this time round I have fallen in the right hands.  Little did I know that even a pastor or whoever claims to be an angel is not one until you prove him/her wrong.  We had a good time and worked peacefully and harmoniously until the devil came in to interfere with the peace.  I remembered just the other day that I survived in that office without promotion, training, allowances and other benefits that I was entitled to in that office just because I treasured the peace that was so good for me for more than one and half years.   I did not realize that I dressed so badly, I ate very poorly, I struggled financially and I did not grow at all since I went in that office.  But there is one growth that I had grown, which was the Spiritual Growth.  I had a good time with my God because going through what I was going through, I needed God.  Thus I did not realize the pain I was going through.  When the intruder came in to separate me from my boss, of course it was also not a very good scenario also because the woman who came to bring these problems that resulted to my transfer, had calculated very well how she will go about it.  She started bringing him, porridge, food, fruits and the likes just to entice him and not to forget the work which she was trying to help him in as an expert in that line as they were working as a team.  To me, there was no big deal because that was their business and I was minding mine as an Administrative Assistant.  Not long did it go after I had worked with my boss for more than 1 year and 8 months, claims started coming from my boss that I come to the office late and leave early.  Something I did since I went to that office because I had a small baby.  We had agreed with my boss when we do not have a lot of work I can to go work at least one hour late and leave early so that I rush home to attend to my baby.  But that point in time, he could see it was a mistake or a problem when this woman came in.  Little did he know that this woman was using it as a strategy to kick me out of that office not knowing it was a directive that he had given me prior to her coming in, to help me take care of my new born baby.  I tried to reason with my boss, but he could not take what I was telling him and he banked on all what this woman was telling him.  The Rose you know from my past stories that enables you understand where am coming from, became real and told them what was in store of them all those days she was quiet.  The words were not kind as my earlier experience from my former office and they felt like little children because I exposed to them the affair they had that they thought I was not aware of.  I made sure that they get what they wanted to hear from me that I had kept to myself so that they also know my other side which is not very sweet especially when an enemy attacks me.  He reported me to the Human Resource Manager, and do not want to know the punishment that I was awarded this time round but I will tell you even though.  It was the worst of all but also my pay back for my disobedience which is a norm to anyone who disobeys and it is allowed because out of it we always learn our lessons positively or negatively depending on the kind of the disobedience.  I had just finished my 21 days fast and immediately I finished it that is when the drama started and I was transferred.  I was still again praying to my God that something not very bad be done to me  because I knew deep down my heart all what I was doing was intentional because of what the devil was trying to frustrate me on, pulling me down so that I do not reach my destiny.  But because God has good plans for me, something had to happen to remove me there and in my case it was not going to be a good thing but I always do not mind when my God comes knocking to sort me out.  I always take it positively whether it looked good or bad because at the end of the day, the Lord will fight my battles and will direct my peace.  Then, the Lord reminded me as his child I will go through all these pains, not because he is not aware, but because he wants me to go through the fire and since he is with me and he is training me to walk in his ways, then, I have to be tested in the hardest way for me to go to my next level.  Of course, no one would love to go through pain in order to go to their next level but I will tell you, the intense of your pain will also marry the responsibility, strength, and power for that next level he is taking you.  I remember asking God, why he would allow something like that to happen to me and yet I had just come from prayer and fasting for 21 days?  You can imagine that!  Put yourself in my shoes you would wonder the same.  But I was reminded of Jesus when he fasted for 40 days. He was not spared either, after that fast, he was tested by the devil.  Anyway, the Lord showed me something after my verdict was reached on what discipline I should get after in-subordinating my second boss in that Ministry.  I was equally this time round very scared because I knew that, it was the second bladder with a heavier punishment.  So they resolved to transfer me to another Department out of the Headquarters that was so far from my house.  When I was told where I will be posted, I asked of the Lord, is it a good place?  The Lord told me to refuse to be taken to that one, but chose another one which was also the same in relation to the punishment but towards my house.  When I told my bosses the alternative place I would have loved them post me which was equally the same in terms for the punishment, they were very comfortable with my decision and I was written for a releasing letter to the place which the Lord showed me that,  I will be there as a Daniel in the Den!  At that time I did not understand why God equaled the place to a den of Lions, but he had given me a vision in relation to it, but since he told me the place that you have been sent is not a bed of roses, but a very hard place for you, he wanted me to be strong and know that he will be with me and take heart because he will be with me as he was with Daniel.  I closed that chapter knowing what it entailed for me though I had not experienced the place.  He prepared me in advance through the vision. 

I reported to my place of work which kinder looked rosy compared to where I had come from but as time went by it really became a Den of Lions.  People started hating me from nowhere; I was given the wrong office to work.  Things became bad on my side.  I even had a very bad accident that no one was even ready to say sorry to me.  Actually people behaved like they would have loved if I did not make it after the accident.  I went through a very bad depression and no one showed any kind of sympathy or concern on what I was going through.  Things became so tough on my side.  I even tried to go to my Head of Secretarial to ask for a Ministerial transfer and I was told the next place they could afford transferring me since there were no good places to be taken, was worse than even where I was when they mentioned the place.  I just opted to remain in the den I was thrown to than the paradise I was praying to be taken.   I rested my case and told God to help me and guide me as I struggle in the den.  To be honest this is the time now am seeing what the Lord was showing me that time.  That, after he rescues me from this den, surely, he will lift and crown me.    Fortunately or unfortunately, all the people who were intimidating and frustrated me that time are not doing well.  Actually, one of them was stopped work; the others are struggling in their places of work in relation to what happened when the new Government came in.  The Lord is lifting me today.   I am healed from the  depression and I am waiting my next posting which came from God and it a posting for a better office, with better pay and other good things that I have wished for in life.  I celebrate my Lord for this far he has brought me.  Today, I look different not because I have earned more salary, but because I have the peace of God which surpasses all the understanding.  When he elevates me to my next level, I will go there in mind that he is the one who has elevated me for his glory and not mine.  I celebrate the Love that the Lord has for me not because of my goodness or badness, but the relationship I have with him which is a strong relation that enables me understand that, when he passes me through a storm, is not to punish me but to take me to my next level so that he can use me for his Kingdom.  Thank you Jesus for the gift of Salvation that has set me free and is taking me places and making me who you want me to be awaiting your coming which is soon! 

I want to encourage you today my reader.  The devil has been doing things behind your back and on your face to curtail you from reaching your destiny; I want to tell you, do not give up.  As long as you are on God’s side, do not be shaken.  He will give you the courage and strength to face the giant.  And once you are out of the test, God is going to elevate you and crown you. Remember the most important thing here is that you know him as your Lord and Saviour.  The journey, he will walk you through it whether it will be rough or smooth.  Not because you are too good or too talented, but because he has chosen you and called you his own.  He understands you just the way you are with your strengths and weaknesses.  You do not need to make up anything, you only need to surrender to him and he will cover you with his righteousness and he will start walking with you and making you whole to the end of time.  Do not be scared to make that decision today of accepting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour.  If I did not do that, years back, I do not think I could overcome all the temptations and storms that the Lord has enabled me pass through.  I give him all the glory and honour and now I understand why he has been training through the hardest way.  He has something so great in store for me. 

God bless you all and be encouraged from my testimony.   

Monday, 12 May 2014


Now I understand when they say experience is the best teacher.  Well, I have learnt most of my lessons through very painful experiences and I wonder if God can never make me understand them in a way that is cool, calm and collected,  Instead, I have learnt my lessons through dramas to understand things. 

Well, I have now come to conclude that I have to understand that God created me so uniquely that no one can really understand who I am besides Him.  When sometimes I open my mouth to talk, most of the time I am judged just because of the way I talk and put my points a cross, simply because I talk like I am fighting someone or I am a bitter person, especially when I want to put a point across to people who are so negative, judgmental after knowing who exactly they are.  That is just how I am created. When I am around people who concur with what I am saying, usually I am as calm as a dove actually you might mistake me to an angel.  Wait until I meet the negative and judgmental characters. My world blows away and I am called a made person.    

I have come to realize I am a very emotional person when I want to put a point across that people are not understanding.  Unfortunately, no one likes someone who is emotional.  Actually they take that person to be very weak and do not want to be associated with them or rather what they can bring on the table.  Well, one Sunday I was in the Guest Experience Connect Tent where we attend to visitors at my local church.  I was very reluctant to go and welcome the visitors but I remember one of my fellow volunteers insisted I attend the visitors.  To me I was not ready to do that but I wanted to take a cup of juice that the visitors are normally given.  When I was poured for my  juice, before I made my first sip, the Lord spoke to my heart and told me, there is no way you can take that cup of juice and not serve my people.  That guilt made me run to a table and I was handed some visitors to welcome and talk to. 

Funny enough that day too was funny for me because we usually give out gifts to them in terms of a CD that have messages recorded from our Pastors.  So, I remember I picked two CDs for myself so that I can go home and listen to the sermons too.    Something very funny, I did not listen to the CDs a fast as I thought, but yesterday, I did not go to church and purposed to listen to the CDs.  So I came a cross a sermon that was very powerful and while I was listening, I realized there is a gift called EMOTIONAL INTELECTUAL!  I was shocked that it is a gift. Gosh, that gave me a lot of hope about my emotional character that has surprised me over the years.  Something very funny those who know me at home, work place and church, will be shocked that I am this emotional person in all areas.  I do not just act up at a certain place.  I am like these everywhere I go and never change. But now I understand why I do not have many friends, it’s just because I am an emotional creature and not many people love such kind of a person. 

But now, I will confess and say, I do not need anyone to love me for who I am because my creator knows why He gave me this emotional intelligence.  But there are some very good people that God has put around me that love me the way I am.  That is my two sons, (Collins and Calvin), My Dad (Jasper Mariene), Mum (Teresa Mariene), Sister (Caroline) and two brothers (George and Isaac).  I know very well, even all these people that God has put around me, sometimes do not agree with this gift of mine of emotional intelligence but they have been put there by God to tolerate it because they have seen what it brings forth after tolerating it.

Anyway, let me say, I love myself the way I am, and I am not regretting a bit for who God has created me to be.  Before it was an issue and I hated myself just because no one understood me at all.  But now I understand myself better and the Lord has enabled me to understand myself better for his glory.  I am not going to make any apologies at all for who God has created me to be but I will love on myself because now I understand why I am the way I am not like any other person.

This gift is not meant for many it is meant for a few whom God has chosen and most of them are Prophets.  Ohh no, Rose I hope you do not want to brand yourself as a Prophet!  I will tell you, whether you like it or not I am a prophet in the eyes of my Father because most of the time the missions he has sent me to, he does not send me and you, but myself alone with him. So, if you really want to know that gift that I have also struggled to understand, then please tolerate me or any other person you see having this gift because they are sent of the Lord to save a very bad situation that you can not see, but they are seeing.  The emotional part is to feel this person and respond positively instead of criticizing and shunning it.  That is the only way you can get to know who I am and you will understand and be my witness when the time comes. You will understand why I behaved the way I do and others who have the same personality or the gift. I know you are laughing out of your lungs when I call it a gift.  I will tell you, laugh your heart out now but when the time comes you will confess with your mouth as they did to the son of God that, truly Jesus is the Son of God and He is God after they had crucified him.  I love Jesus with all my heart because the love he has for me is so amazing that he can love a wretch like me.  He is so kind that he can tolerate someone like me.  I have always asked why I should go through a pain so that I understand something.  Now I really understand that God has a big mission for me there ahead and for me to reach there, I have to go through all these pains as a way of equipping me and making me understand that I am not alone he is with me.  When that time comes, I will not brag and say it was because of me but him who enabled me to be what he will have made to be.  That time I am waiting because now I understand why he took me the path he took me to understand that he is making and molding me to be who he created me to be not for my glory but for his glory. 

My dear friend what am I talking about.  Most of the time when I want to express myself to people they judge me from my personality and not what I am trying to say.  Well, as the world loves to hear what they want to hear, but most of the time I will not say what they want to hear, but I will say what they do not want to hear and that is why I get so many enemies.  I wish they could just listen to what I am saying and not who I am. Because they will never understand who I am as I am fearfully and wonderfully made for the Glory of my Lord and not for anyone.   Now I understand why Jesus was talking in parables.  My next strategy is to learn and master how to talk in parables and then pass the message in my emotional way as the Lord as created me.   I think that will send the message home better as I may think. I have not tried it, but I will ask God to help me understand how to go about it.   If that will make people not look at me pay-say but listen to what I am saying, then I will have to do exactly that.  

All said and done I just want to announce to the whole world that no one can change who I was created to be, but only God can change me.  If people are waiting to change me, they will wait for long.  It is only God who can change who I am.  I want to encourage you who is reading what I am writing, as long as you are walking with God, and you are obedient do not accept anybody to change you and make you to be who you are not.  I have always pretended to be who I am not in the past just to please people but I have come to realized I was not called for that.  I was called to be who God created me to be whether I am like or not.   

Now that I have known who I am in Christ, I do not feel rejected as I used to and I love myself the way I am.  But something also about people like me that is not a good thing is that, we do not learn things the easy way. We learn it the hardest way so that we can get it so right I guess because of our stubbornness. Oh yes I called it stubbornness!  What am I talking about?  Let me give you an illustration.  I once rolled with a car six times and God rescued me.  When I talk like that I do not mean I am a careless driver.  No!  But I went through it as hard as it was just for the Lord to tell me something that I could not understand and not take.  But I came out whole with just bruises.  The lessons that the Lord taught me out of it, it could never have sunk unless I went through that.  How many people would love to roll with a car so that they can learn a lesson?  Hell no! No one, not even me.  But because there is something that the Lord will want to teach someone like me, he will make me go through that pain in order to make me understand that he has chosen me, he has set me aside and I am nothing but a special child in his site and he has to teach me things the hardest way to save the rest from experiencing the same pain that is not so sweet for everyone but pass the message to his own.  Many might not acknowledge it just because they judge me, but he acknowledges me because I am his ambassador and he knows why he has created me like that.  Most of the time I warn people, I tell them to correct an anomaly and they never take heed of what am saying but just take my emotional part of it. Let me tell you, those who do not take the emotional part of it but take the message that I am trying to send because there is  no way I can pass it without behaving weirdly the way I behave and speak it will  never sink to them.  But when a calamity befalls them or things do not go the way they thought, they remember, ohhh!!! No wonder Rose was behaving weirdly for us to understand because we did not want to listen we looked at the weirdness rather than the message she was trying to pass.   Let me give another illustration that will make you get my point.  One time, there is a lady who was always at the Office of the President wanting to talk to the President because she felt that the president will listen to her grievances.  She used to go around the offices around Harambee Avenue and just speak out her heart out.  No one listened to her but looked at her as a mad woman.   But one time she realized no one is listening to me and decided to climb a tree just near the Police Headquarters so that she can be heard.  Remember when she was talking, people branded her a mad woman instead of listening to what she was saying.  While she was there up, she started making her grievances there and saying that, since no one is listening to her, she will through herself down and die.  Let me tell you, this story I am not just buying it nor am I just saying it, it was on TV and that woman made everyone run up and down to so that they can save her life.  You can imagine if this woman fell and died.  Myself I can say all those who ignored her would have faced it rough.  But because she acted weirdly by climbing the tree, everyone saw that truly she was not a mad woman but someone who was seeking audience but no one was attentive. But she had to even act crazier to pass the message, and this time round it worked for her.  She never died but people sweet talked her while she was up there until she was rescued and she was given the attention she wanted.  Because I was not there to know exactly what she was going through, her needs were met and today I have not heard of her and I guess she was sorted out.   What am I trying to say here?  I want to say that people of these character most of the time are never liked by any one but branded as mad people.   I am not an exceptional but I would say, if for me to safe a situation or a person or a crises will warrant me to be a mad woman, I would rather be a mad person but save a situation or something rather than see it go down.  That is me!  I do not know if anyone feels me.  If you do not, please just respect me for who I am and as time goes by, you will understand why God created me the way he created me and love me for me.  That will save you a great deal because its not about who I am but who has created me and that is God the creator of Heaven, Universe and everything in them. 

Anyway, let those who have ears hear and those who have eyes see.  Now I really understand why they crucified Jesus and yet he was God.  Their hearts are so hardened and they are always very critical.  But they will always loose it as long as they do not open their eyes to see what He is saying besides just judging.  Take your time and surrender to Him who understands the heart of men and can safe them by just accepting Him as your Lord and Saviour.  After which you will understand God and you will not struggle to understand things and listen His voice for you to be safe in this evil world. 

God bless you and may He open yours eyes to understand what he is telling you in all ways by listening to him in all these characters that are around you.