Monday, 29 April 2013


Most of the time I have found myself not reading the word of God not because I am busy, but I can’t explain it.  I can find myself comfortably doing other things, like listening to music, twitting, facebooking, but when it comes to reading the word I just feel lazy and tired.  Have you felt this way?

Well, I need your help.  You might think am joking, but I am not joking.  I guess this is an attack from the evil one because deep down my heart I really want to have a fellowship with my Lord daily, but I just find myself just not reading the Word.  I have even tried to do it in the evening when going to sleep since I thought there are no interruptions that time, I may concentrate.  My friend, I end up watching a movie or sleep with immediate effect.  Why now?  I guess I have given all my time to the things of this world and I need prayers seriously because I am really missing out my fellowship with Christ.  It does not feel nice at all not to have a fellowship with him on daily basis.  When I compare myself to when I have adhered to reading my Bible, Praying and Fasting and now that I am this dry, I feel down.  No wonder the devil can minister to me in such a time with all these lies that I am good for nothing.  I am good at praying even when doing my work, walking around, in the bathroom e.t.c.  I may not do a long prayer but as short as it is, I feel I have spoken to my God.  But that is not enough because I am not consistence in reading the Word. 

If there is anyone out there who has a secret to this, I will embrace it.  What makes me not be consistent in reading the Word?  I know I am a sanguine and sanguine are too good in talking and the like and they are not consistent as far as I know, but I guess I need discipline in regard to reading the Word.  I wish I had a mentor or a friend that can keep checks with me in relation to this.  I once had a friend that I met on the net and what drew me to him was the power of reading the word and fasting.  He kept me on toes and I tell you the truth I was reading the word on daily basis and I also managed to fast at least once in a week because we kept on encouraging each other.  That plan just died like that and I wish I could get a friend that can stand with me and keep me in checks on daily basis.  This will help me a great deal.  I know my Lord is hearing my prayer because I have struggled for some time now.  But, I am not giving up yet because even in church as my pastor encourages me that I need a reset to my life, sincerely I need a reset and I can’t wait on the directions he will give to enable me tap this blessing.  Who knows why God put in his spirit to preach this (a reset of my life in Christ) such a time because someone like me needs help!  Lord have mercy on me. 

Now that I have shared part of my weakness, I know I will share more and more.  But you may wonder so what?  So, that I can overcome this weakness that is why I put it here for the world to know that it is a weakness that is eating me and so many others that is why we are not growing spiritually.  In the recent past I have been invaded with a fear that is too terrible.  I thought I was past fear but I am shocked at how my storms can bring about fear in my life just because they were too strong that I could not imagine I will be out of them.  Thanks be to God I am out.  But I am struggling with fear.  Fear for even what am not supposed to fear.  This means there is a void in my life that is not filled with God because fear is from the devil and not God! 

Let me encourage you my dear friend.  You might be in my shoes and you do not know what to do.  Please join a church and have a fellowship with others so that you can get help.  I have tried to depend on my own understanding but I have realized most of the time I cannot help myself!  I need others in order to grow and to sustain my salvation.  I know it is not an easy step but we are supposed to be accountable to each other on basis of truth and trust as we continue fellow-shipping with others.  I will also say you do not just start fellowship with every Tom, Dick and Hurry, but chose your friends wisely because even in church we have people who are not to be trusted.  Have a fellowship with them in many activities that are in church and in that way you can be able to choose wisely.  So far I have not found one friend that I can open up and share deeply as I wish, but I know God will give me a friend to walk with me.

I like writing about myself here so that, those who have the same encounters as mine can be encouraged and I also help them overcome them through my sharing and testimonies. God bless you and have a fruitful time as you plan to reset your life in Christ. Amen!

Thursday, 18 April 2013


I am in one and I am not apologizing because I have many issues and I do not feel guilty fellowshipping there, because I belong.  This home has made me realize that I am a sinner and I need Jesus daily.  Every time I am right with my God, I always feel so much on cloud nine because I feel Him and He does feel me.  How? That time usually am up my game with my Bible, quiet time, prophesies, worship, love, and the list is endless.  This makes me feel so holy than ever before.  Until when my weakness is triggered and I find myself alone.  God has gone too far from me and then things start falling apart one by one.  After I overcome this, another one just comes up and these trends weighs me down so much that I forget there is a Bible to read, pray, fast and others.  Actually this is the time I find myself listening to circular music that makes my life because when I sing the gospel songs I feel betrayed and cheating myself because that time, God is too far way to be found.  This is the time I even enjoy classic 105 because there is that ‘ka’ consolation that things are not bad though they are bad.  (Bad in the sense that am not in fellowship with my Lord but I can afford to listen to classic 105 from morning to evening and not open my Bible just for a word).  I am not saying listening classic is bad, am talking about not giving my time to my Lord that is where the problem is.  So, do not quote me listening to classic 105 is bad.  There is so much we learn from it.   

The story of the woman spoken about in Luke 7:36-50 (Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table.  When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears.  The she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.  When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is-that she is a sinner.”   Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said.  Two men owned money to a certain money-lender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.  Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both.  Now which of them will love him more?’  Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled the debts of both.  Now which of them will love him more?’  Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled.”  You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. Then he turned towards the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman?  I came into your house.  You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.  You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet.  You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet.  Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much.  But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”  Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”  The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”  Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

After reading those verses, triggered me to write this script.  I am talking about this woman whom everybody knew was a sinner but them were “holy”!  So, what about this woman in any case we know there are so many people who are sinners even more than she was.  I will confess and say I am not feeling any different from her because I have realized my weaknesses have always made me take back my Lord to the Cross.  Thanks be to Jesus Son of God who died for me a sinner (John 3:16-17) “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him  It does not matter what exactly have I done, but I am not feeling any different from her. (The woman in the Bible).    I am a sinner and I always wonder if the Lord has forgiven me.  (Guilt).  I do not know whether sometimes you reach to such a point like me. 

I might look a very cool lady without issues, but I will say I have my issues which I have always forwarded to my Lord once I acknowledge and accept them.  I thought when I read the word more, have my quiet time daily, be guided by the Holy Spirit then I will always have a smooth life and enjoy my salvation.  But I will tell you, I have been experiencing circles of events in relation to my walk in Christ and my day to day life.  When I just bump into a new church with new people and all that is exciting around me, that moment comes to an end and I am left alone to be real and be myself when I settle.  I have realized going to a different church and having a fellowship with different people does not change who I am.  I always carry with me all my weakness and fears.  This is a realization that has come to me in a very long time hopping from one church to another thinking things will change.  I have come to realize that I am the one who needs change and not hopping from one church to another because all churches preach the same Bible only that they do it differently but the same thing.

So what can be done to someone like me?  I would say, just halt and accept yourself just as you are and walk to Him (JESUS CHRIST) just the way you are because he knows who you are. He knows each and everything you are going through and knows how far you can take it yourself and how much you can hand over to him to help you out. 

In the last like 11 months I have found myself in a situation that I have never thought I would be in my life time.  I have been tempted to a level that I can’t imagine I have gone through all that and I am coming out of it.  It might sound hard to understand since I have not shared exactly what it is all about, but I know those who know me personally have a clue or those who are just having mushene about me are and I will say that I am not ashamed of who I am.  Whether you know my sins or not.  What I value the most is that I am right with my Lord.  He is the only one who can forgive me and make me clean and whole again.  The rest of human beings, and will just make me hate myself, have self pity, cry, lack self esteem, feel weak, not a person and the list is endless.  What a friend I have in Jesus!  This is the only friend I value such a time because he knows me better and I know him.  If I was to stand in front of him like now I know I could not have a place near him or even see him.  But because he loved me this much he took all my sins away that is why He set me free 2000 years ago and I can face him when I am right and when I am wrong.  

So, why am I this guilty and He forgave me?  I am guilty because this guilt makes me go back to Him and seek for His forgiveness daily because I am alive in him.  If I was dead inside me, then nothing would bother me.  I would be comfortable enjoying myself in the filth and dirt that I have entangled myself in.  But when the guilt comes this mightily, it reminds me that I cannot walk alone.   I need him and that is why am comparing myself with this woman in Luke 7.  It is after I confess what I am feeling and airing it out, that I find peace with myself and this will help me remove all my fears and guilt away.    

This is my prayer to my Lord today:- (Lord, I have sinned against you and am writing this to my readers so that they understand that I have issues and I would need to confess my weakness to the world and focus to you that I need deliverance.  I have realized my weakness and I want to walk with you daily.  I do not know what kind of perfume that I can I buy and apply it to you Lord, but I come to you just as I am, seeking for your forgiveness and restoration.

I need you Lord and I cry to you Abba Father hear me while I cry to you.  This is a confession that I am making after I have seen your faithfulness, love, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, deliverance from you and yet I could not have a fellowship with you.  I felt weak and lonely.  I have always thought I will get joy from my friends, family members, work mates, but I have realized I can only get my peace from you.  Though I have learnt it through the hard way, Lord I want to have an intimate fellowship with you daily.  When I am up and when I am down.  Give me wisdom and favour to be able to serve you where I am and to encourage others since I know I have gone through all this so that I uplift others.  I am not special nor do I call myself holy.  I call myself your servant and ready to be used of you.  It does not matter my weaknesses because you know them.   Help me to realize my weaknesses, accept them, surrender them to you and work on them.  I have realized I have to deal with myself in order to get my full healing because if I hide my weakness, I will remain the same.  Give me friends that will walk with me on this journey so that I can be accountable to them and keep my checks on my progress as I continue growing in you.  Help me to forgive others especially, those who have hurt me because I feel bitterness in my heart.  Forgive me for hurting others and restore my friendship and fellowship with them.   Lord I need you like never before.  Without you, I cannot move.  Be with me and guide me through your Holy Spirit.  In Jesus Holy Name I do pray and believe.  Amen!

As I read these verses in Luke 7 about the sinful woman, I felt I was not different from her.  I do not know how much sins she had but I appreciate that Jesus had me in mind and that is why He died for me.  It is my prayer that the Lord will always be with me even when I go out of his way that I will come back and seek for your guidance and protection. 

It has been long not having the fellowship that I deserve to have with Him, but am appreciating his love for me and mercy so that I start a fresh with Him.  I come with surrender and humility as my expensive perfume since I can’t imagine the embarrassment behind my confession as much as I have not talked openly here what exactly I have done against Him, but the Lord knows.  I do not know what can equal to the perfume of the sinful woman in the Bible that she presented to him but I know my God loves a contrite spirit because he does not despise/turn away.

My prayer for you today my reader is that you acknowledge when you are not right with God and seek Him with all your heart and I know He will hear you.  Our God is merciful and kind to us and He loves to fellowship with us always.     


Thursday, 11 April 2013


What am I talking about?  Well, I am a Kenyan and proud to be a Kenyan.  Recently we went through a tough time as we were electing our 4th President.  Well, as much as there were up and downs in the entire exercise, it is very disappointing to see how people who lost (supporters of Cord) which is the opposition of Jubilee felt.  I read from one of the social media a comment from one lady who wrote on her wall something that was not so nice, because it was giving my 4th President (Uhuru Kenyatta) a few years to die! 

This broke my heart so much and I said to myself, I would never want to be hurt and wish other people’s death because that is not a blessing to myself but laying a curse to myself.   We were all created for a purpose and I do not think there is anyone in this world without a purpose.  As much as things do not go our way or the way we would want them to go, it is good to be positive and move on. 

I learnt a big lesson from the comment and as I was reading the word of God from the book of (1st Samuel 8:1-22) was reminded of Saul the King that God gave Israelites because they really wanted a king.  God heard their cry and He told Samuel to anoint him.  Saul was just doing his father’s (Kish) work by going to look for the donkeys that got lost.  In the process, he did not find the donkeys and what the servant he was with felt, is that they should seek an answer from the Man of God (Samuel) since they knew what he said always came to pass. (1st Samuel 9:6)  Their main agenda being to meet Samuel so that they can get the direction as to where the donkeys were, little did they know that God had already spoken to Samuel and he was told that a man was going to see him from the tribe of Benjamin a man who was impressive and without equal among the Israelites.  This shows that even in our flaws, God sees our good and he recognizes them.    Samuel was told to Anoint him as the King of Israelites despite them being warned by Samuel about what the King will do to them negatively and they would not want to know and continued to cry that they wanted a King.  But Samuel told them they will want to change there minds and it will not be possible.    Samuel went ahead and interceded for them and God heard their cry and told him to give them a King.  They met as the Bible records and Samuel anointed Saul.  He also informed them that the donkeys were found.

Why have I talked about Saul’s story?  I learnt a very big lesson that God knows who he wants to put in the authority and no one can hinder that.    It does not matter whether you are bad or good. His choice is always the best depending on His Will.  My friend from the Social Media, might have taken her President in this case (Uhuru Kenyatta) to be a very bad person and yet she does not know Him and that is why she wished him dead.  I will just say, God forgive her for she does not know what she is saying because leaders come from God and not us.  It does not matter whether you are good or bad.  It is only God who knows why he places people in leadership, regardless of who they are, where they come from, who is their earthly father is and so fourth and so on.  This is because, He will always be God and He will always prove that He is.  As much as we object the leaders that God has given us, God’s Will has to pass and no one can object that.  You may ask me, how I take my current President (Uhuru Kenyatta).  I will say this; I have known him from the media since 2002 when our 2nd President (Moi) recommended him to be our next President that time.  And since then, I used to follow up many things he did because I was excited for him being our president that time and I was very disappointed that he did not become.  Another person was chosen as the President (3rd President Kibaki) and I did not wish him death.  I thanked God as much as I was disappointed and I moved on.  But I continued to admire Hon. Uhuru and prayed for him all through.  I am not a clergy anywhere, but I am a child of God and I pray.  One day I was just praying as I was going to work and the Lord told me that (Hon. Uhuru Kenyatta) will be the next president and I started praying for him.  He does not know me nor does he know that someone like me prays for him and I remember I just noted it down in my diary and said if it does come to pass I will know that God speaks to me.  Surely it has come to pass and I am celebrating because I voted him, not because I know him that well.  He might have his weaknesses as I have, but I can never judge him because I will be judged harshly than I judge him but rather I wish him well.  I strongly believe in my heart if he succeeds I will also successed because the Lord spoke to me.  I do not think God spoke to me and brought to us a bad president.  I believe down in my heart that God will use him and he will bring a lot of good things in my country.  I believe in him and as much as I expect a lot from him, I know he may not bring all to pass, but God will anoint another one to continue with the work as he has done with the former Presidents    

Who do I compare him to in the Bible?  There are so many examples that I can compare him with, but for the time being I will compare him to King David.  The Lord appointed him when he was very young and he was with him (1st Samuel 16: 12-13).  David was used of God during his reign.  When I look at my current president (His Excellency Uhuru Kenyatta!), I see a lot of potential and it is my prayer that the Lord will be with him.  I know it is not easy but my work will be to pray for him because God has allowed me to pray for him.  It has been so difficult to handle the people around me who are so much against him and I have felt so bad on his behalf.  It has even brought some bitterness inside me and I am just praying that the Lord forgives me deep because I feel so hurt when I hear him being branded so many bad names that are not real.  Deep down in my heart I feel that God has brought him in this far to be the President with a reason and for a season.  That reason has to pass and I know all the difficulties he has sailed through are not because of his might or power but GOD. 

I am not a politician nor do I want to be one, but I want to be an ambassador of peace.  As much as am also getting hurt with the sentiments of my opponents from the people who did not win.  I wish to say that God commands us to live in peace and to love one another as Jesus loved us.  My prayer today is that we all seek God so that He can direct us in what we do, even in cases of choosing our leaders.  The children of God (Israelites) prayed for a King and God gave them.  The kings of this world will always be human being like any other.  But the Son of God is our King who reigns forever and is perfect.  We only need to pray and ask God to be with our leaders and help them to be used of him. 

My brothers and sisters, it is good to seek the will of God in all what we do so that God can be our guide and help us to make the right choices.  We chose a president whom many do not like may be (but I wonder how was he chosen if he is not liked?) but I would say, now that he is the President let us wait and see but not judge!  He is a human being like us, he is bound to fall and arise just as we do.   But can we respect him as the person in authority now?   If he is going to go against God’s will, as we read the story of King Saul, then he will pay the price.  (1st Samuel 15:26)  But if he is going to do the Will of God, then we will all win and celebrate because we all want good for our Land and prosperity!  May the Lord help us and forgive us for not respecting those in authority! May He help us and give us wisdom and courage to pray and stand with them during their reign.