THEY DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE MESSAGE BUT JUDGE YOU INSTEAD

Now I understand when they say experience is the best teacher.  Well, I have learnt most of my lessons through very painful experiences and I wonder if God can never make me understand them in a way that is cool, calm and collected,  Instead, I have learnt my lessons through dramas to understand things. 

Well, I have now come to conclude that I have to understand that God created me so uniquely that no one can really understand who I am besides Him.  When sometimes I open my mouth to talk, most of the time I am judged just because of the way I talk and put my points a cross, simply because I talk like I am fighting someone or I am a bitter person, especially when I want to put a point across to people who are so negative, judgmental after knowing who exactly they are.  That is just how I am created. When I am around people who concur with what I am saying, usually I am as calm as a dove actually you might mistake me to an angel.  Wait until I meet the negative and judgmental characters. My world blows away and I am called a made person.    

I have come to realize I am a very emotional person when I want to put a point across that people are not understanding.  Unfortunately, no one likes someone who is emotional.  Actually they take that person to be very weak and do not want to be associated with them or rather what they can bring on the table.  Well, one Sunday I was in the Guest Experience Connect Tent where we attend to visitors at my local church.  I was very reluctant to go and welcome the visitors but I remember one of my fellow volunteers insisted I attend the visitors.  To me I was not ready to do that but I wanted to take a cup of juice that the visitors are normally given.  When I was poured for my  juice, before I made my first sip, the Lord spoke to my heart and told me, there is no way you can take that cup of juice and not serve my people.  That guilt made me run to a table and I was handed some visitors to welcome and talk to. 

Funny enough that day too was funny for me because we usually give out gifts to them in terms of a CD that have messages recorded from our Pastors.  So, I remember I picked two CDs for myself so that I can go home and listen to the sermons too.    Something very funny, I did not listen to the CDs a fast as I thought, but yesterday, I did not go to church and purposed to listen to the CDs.  So I came a cross a sermon that was very powerful and while I was listening, I realized there is a gift called EMOTIONAL INTELECTUAL!  I was shocked that it is a gift. Gosh, that gave me a lot of hope about my emotional character that has surprised me over the years.  Something very funny those who know me at home, work place and church, will be shocked that I am this emotional person in all areas.  I do not just act up at a certain place.  I am like these everywhere I go and never change. But now I understand why I do not have many friends, it’s just because I am an emotional creature and not many people love such kind of a person. 

But now, I will confess and say, I do not need anyone to love me for who I am because my creator knows why He gave me this emotional intelligence.  But there are some very good people that God has put around me that love me the way I am.  That is my two sons, (Collins and Calvin), My Dad (Jasper Mariene), Mum (Teresa Mariene), Sister (Caroline) and two brothers (George and Isaac).  I know very well, even all these people that God has put around me, sometimes do not agree with this gift of mine of emotional intelligence but they have been put there by God to tolerate it because they have seen what it brings forth after tolerating it.

Anyway, let me say, I love myself the way I am, and I am not regretting a bit for who God has created me to be.  Before it was an issue and I hated myself just because no one understood me at all.  But now I understand myself better and the Lord has enabled me to understand myself better for his glory.  I am not going to make any apologies at all for who God has created me to be but I will love on myself because now I understand why I am the way I am not like any other person.

This gift is not meant for many it is meant for a few whom God has chosen and most of them are Prophets.  Ohh no, Rose I hope you do not want to brand yourself as a Prophet!  I will tell you, whether you like it or not I am a prophet in the eyes of my Father because most of the time the missions he has sent me to, he does not send me and you, but myself alone with him. So, if you really want to know that gift that I have also struggled to understand, then please tolerate me or any other person you see having this gift because they are sent of the Lord to save a very bad situation that you can not see, but they are seeing.  The emotional part is to feel this person and respond positively instead of criticizing and shunning it.  That is the only way you can get to know who I am and you will understand and be my witness when the time comes. You will understand why I behaved the way I do and others who have the same personality or the gift. I know you are laughing out of your lungs when I call it a gift.  I will tell you, laugh your heart out now but when the time comes you will confess with your mouth as they did to the son of God that, truly Jesus is the Son of God and He is God after they had crucified him.  I love Jesus with all my heart because the love he has for me is so amazing that he can love a wretch like me.  He is so kind that he can tolerate someone like me.  I have always asked why I should go through a pain so that I understand something.  Now I really understand that God has a big mission for me there ahead and for me to reach there, I have to go through all these pains as a way of equipping me and making me understand that I am not alone he is with me.  When that time comes, I will not brag and say it was because of me but him who enabled me to be what he will have made to be.  That time I am waiting because now I understand why he took me the path he took me to understand that he is making and molding me to be who he created me to be not for my glory but for his glory. 

My dear friend what am I talking about.  Most of the time when I want to express myself to people they judge me from my personality and not what I am trying to say.  Well, as the world loves to hear what they want to hear, but most of the time I will not say what they want to hear, but I will say what they do not want to hear and that is why I get so many enemies.  I wish they could just listen to what I am saying and not who I am. Because they will never understand who I am as I am fearfully and wonderfully made for the Glory of my Lord and not for anyone.   Now I understand why Jesus was talking in parables.  My next strategy is to learn and master how to talk in parables and then pass the message in my emotional way as the Lord as created me.   I think that will send the message home better as I may think. I have not tried it, but I will ask God to help me understand how to go about it.   If that will make people not look at me pay-say but listen to what I am saying, then I will have to do exactly that.  

All said and done I just want to announce to the whole world that no one can change who I was created to be, but only God can change me.  If people are waiting to change me, they will wait for long.  It is only God who can change who I am.  I want to encourage you who is reading what I am writing, as long as you are walking with God, and you are obedient do not accept anybody to change you and make you to be who you are not.  I have always pretended to be who I am not in the past just to please people but I have come to realized I was not called for that.  I was called to be who God created me to be whether I am like or not.   

Now that I have known who I am in Christ, I do not feel rejected as I used to and I love myself the way I am.  But something also about people like me that is not a good thing is that, we do not learn things the easy way. We learn it the hardest way so that we can get it so right I guess because of our stubbornness. Oh yes I called it stubbornness!  What am I talking about?  Let me give you an illustration.  I once rolled with a car six times and God rescued me.  When I talk like that I do not mean I am a careless driver.  No!  But I went through it as hard as it was just for the Lord to tell me something that I could not understand and not take.  But I came out whole with just bruises.  The lessons that the Lord taught me out of it, it could never have sunk unless I went through that.  How many people would love to roll with a car so that they can learn a lesson?  Hell no! No one, not even me.  But because there is something that the Lord will want to teach someone like me, he will make me go through that pain in order to make me understand that he has chosen me, he has set me aside and I am nothing but a special child in his site and he has to teach me things the hardest way to save the rest from experiencing the same pain that is not so sweet for everyone but pass the message to his own.  Many might not acknowledge it just because they judge me, but he acknowledges me because I am his ambassador and he knows why he has created me like that.  Most of the time I warn people, I tell them to correct an anomaly and they never take heed of what am saying but just take my emotional part of it. Let me tell you, those who do not take the emotional part of it but take the message that I am trying to send because there is  no way I can pass it without behaving weirdly the way I behave and speak it will  never sink to them.  But when a calamity befalls them or things do not go the way they thought, they remember, ohhh!!! No wonder Rose was behaving weirdly for us to understand because we did not want to listen we looked at the weirdness rather than the message she was trying to pass.   Let me give another illustration that will make you get my point.  One time, there is a lady who was always at the Office of the President wanting to talk to the President because she felt that the president will listen to her grievances.  She used to go around the offices around Harambee Avenue and just speak out her heart out.  No one listened to her but looked at her as a mad woman.   But one time she realized no one is listening to me and decided to climb a tree just near the Police Headquarters so that she can be heard.  Remember when she was talking, people branded her a mad woman instead of listening to what she was saying.  While she was there up, she started making her grievances there and saying that, since no one is listening to her, she will through herself down and die.  Let me tell you, this story I am not just buying it nor am I just saying it, it was on TV and that woman made everyone run up and down to so that they can save her life.  You can imagine if this woman fell and died.  Myself I can say all those who ignored her would have faced it rough.  But because she acted weirdly by climbing the tree, everyone saw that truly she was not a mad woman but someone who was seeking audience but no one was attentive. But she had to even act crazier to pass the message, and this time round it worked for her.  She never died but people sweet talked her while she was up there until she was rescued and she was given the attention she wanted.  Because I was not there to know exactly what she was going through, her needs were met and today I have not heard of her and I guess she was sorted out.   What am I trying to say here?  I want to say that people of these character most of the time are never liked by any one but branded as mad people.   I am not an exceptional but I would say, if for me to safe a situation or a person or a crises will warrant me to be a mad woman, I would rather be a mad person but save a situation or something rather than see it go down.  That is me!  I do not know if anyone feels me.  If you do not, please just respect me for who I am and as time goes by, you will understand why God created me the way he created me and love me for me.  That will save you a great deal because its not about who I am but who has created me and that is God the creator of Heaven, Universe and everything in them. 

Anyway, let those who have ears hear and those who have eyes see.  Now I really understand why they crucified Jesus and yet he was God.  Their hearts are so hardened and they are always very critical.  But they will always loose it as long as they do not open their eyes to see what He is saying besides just judging.  Take your time and surrender to Him who understands the heart of men and can safe them by just accepting Him as your Lord and Saviour.  After which you will understand God and you will not struggle to understand things and listen His voice for you to be safe in this evil world. 

God bless you and may He open yours eyes to understand what he is telling you in all ways by listening to him in all these characters that are around you.   

IT IS UNFAIR TO YOU BUT TO GOD IT IS FOR HIS PURPOSE!

I was in Church one Sunday, and I was very happy and excited to serve as I am in the Guest Experience team. On my way to church, i was surprised there was so much fog something that i have not seen in the recent past.   I was scared to go on but i decided not to fear but drive slowly to my new church location.  This was a very exciting experience for me bearing in mind we were praying so much that we get a place of your own (church land).

I was with my son Calvin as usual and we had a beautiful ride to church.  We managed to be in church early by around 7.30 a.m.  I joined my team members and prayed as we did always before we started serving.  I was so happy one of our pastors thanked us all for the way we had volunteered to serve in church tirelessly.  That was so touching and I felt like serving forever because of the affirmation.   The sharing went on well and we were meant to go and serve accordingly.  Usually we are allocated duties/places to serve. 

I was the last person to be told where to serve, at the Creche’ (0-2 years and their parents).  I was so humiliated, the reason being; I love being allocated where I feel comfortable serving.   Besides, i was among the first people who arrived to church and i expect to be given the first priority to select where i wanted to serve.   Anyway, i just went to serve at the Creche'. When i say the Creche', i do not mean it is a bad place to serve, it was one of the least places i preferred serving.   In any case, we are supposed to serve everywhere in church.  Because God has always a reason why he places us where places us, for a certain period of time.  But most of the time we have our choices which we think works but we are supposed to ask God why we are placed where we are placed and if it is according to His Will.  

Anyway, instead of murmuring and feeling down, I decided to obey and went to serve at the Creche'.   I know I had a personal judgment that the evil one wanted to intimidate me and look down upon me.  I felt that way because i wondered, why me because i knew so people who have never served there but I am always allocated there.  It was not a very good take from me since I felt deep down my spirit someone is trying to play with my psychology and also intimidate me just because they see the passion in me to serve and the joy.  Despite all these negatives, I decided to listen to the voice of God that told me ‘Rose, go and serve there’. 

I grabbed my apparatus to go and serve at the Crèche.  As much as I obeyed God, still I felt that was not fair and immediately I started telling God what I exactly felt.  I told him I am feeling that this thing was done maliciously and I am not comfortable about it.  I was filled with the Holy Spirit and I found myself praying for the chairs that the parents will sit on.  I interceded for them all.  I went round praying and called unto the name of the Lord.  The Lord heard me and healed my pain instantly.  I took everything positively and I served with all my heart filled with the joy of the Lord! 

After I finished praying I told him, I am ready to be used of him there.    God is so faithful.   He told me exactly why I was sent there as much as I felt it was unfair.  While the worship was going on, the Lord kept on ministering to me and he told me he will tell me why he sent me there I told him I am waiting to hear from him.  I continued to worship and was filled with the Holy Spirit.  I was just crying and thanking God for that opportunity and i enjoyed his fellowship.  It was such a sweet time with my God!

After a while, I saw a very young man come in carrying a baby.  He somehow looked disturbed as to where he should sit.  Before I reached out to him as the usher on duty, he got a sit and sat with his daughter.   It did not take long, I saw him wake up, carry his daughter.  I wondered where on earth he was going because he had just arrived to church.  I just watched him and I saw him go right on the table where parents go to change their children diapers.  Remember this is a man.  He removed the daughter’s shoes, lifted her and placed her on the table changed her diapers.  He did it so well, you can imagine that coming from a man.  Immediately the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, ‘I sent you to the crèche so that you tell him something to encourage him.  He is down and he has been searching for me.  He feels that I have forgotten him.  He has been very faithful in his family and things have not been well with him’.  I followed the instructions of the Holy Spirit and I followed the gentleman. I prayed that he would take the route that will enable me pass the message to him.  To be honest I noted he was taking a different route such a way that my mission would not have worked.  I prayed and told God to make him change his mind and to my surprise, he changed his mind and took the route that I wanted him to take so that I can pass the message.  I was so excited because that was the very conducive place to tell him what i was to tell him, because I wanted it to be a very private affair since the message was specifically meant for  him.

When I got to where he was he was shocked when I stopped him and he thought he did something wrong.  I just held his hand and told him what the Lord told me to tell him that, “The Lord has heard his cry and he will lift him and honour him because of his faithfulness.  I told him not to give up raising his daughter because he is raising a queen.  She will be used of the Lord and she will go very far.  The Lord is telling him not to give up but he will be restored and things will be good soon”.  To be honest the man was so touched and he hugged me as a sign of telling me that he agrees with what am telling him.  I do not know exactly what this man was going through, but my joy was that the Lord was able to use me because i obeyed him.  As much as it was unfair on my side, God had a reason for me to be there.  That was a very exciting moment and a fulfillment after the Lord used me.  

I was so excited when I realized that God had sent me there purposely to speak to that man’s life.  I do not know exactly what the man had told God and God used me to pass his message to him. I was so glad that the Lord allowed me to be used of him to serve him.  Brethren, let me tell you, do not think when someone tries to intimidate you and humiliate you in order to make themselves happy, God is not seeing.  He knows exactly what will happen.  Usually when we look at it in a human perspective, we feel bad and humiliated, but God uses that to glorify himself because in that humiliation, God wants to use you for his purpose.   If I declined or murmured may be I would lost that opportunity.   But because I listened to his voice he answered me and told me it is not about the intimidation but to be used of him.  After which he will elevate me and crown me for being obedient to his voice.    

Are you one of those people that people look down upon?  They just look at you and place you where you do not belong. Do not worry, pray for them and ask God to speak to you and be a blessing to others.   Most of the time we think these things happen in our place of work only, but they are all over.  In church, our life groups, different groups I can’t mention them all.   I want to encourage you that, the best thing to do in this world is to connect with God. He will make everything have a meaning even in a disappointment. When you walk with God he will fight all your battles and you do not need to be disappointed by anything.  You will understand when Romans 8:28  says, (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose). 

God bless you and take it easy.  It is not about you but God!

YOU THINK IN CHURCH IS WHERE YOU WILL FIND GOOD AND BETTER FRIENDS? AM SORRY!

Have you imagined walking in a church and you think, ahhh now I have arrived where angels are found!  You will be shocked when you reach there. 

I am one person who naturally trusts and makes friends easily with no problems.  But I had this notion when you get friends in church you will never go wrong.  They are the perfect people ever to meet on earth.  I got my shocker because since I was taken to church by my parents to be honest I can’t even count my friends, as in friends that I trust and can walk with me without issues. 

I am saying this because I am one person who has been frustrated by people not only in the world but also in the church too.  When I recently joined my current Church, I got new friends that I am walking with and to be honest it is not what I thought about friends from church.  I guess some of them are worse than the people of the world.  Am not talking like that because I am an angel from Heaven but just putting a point across that it is not all friends you meet in church are your good trusted friends. 

I have been hearing songs from Chimbalonza about how a friend went behind her back and spoilt her friendship by doing bad things behind her back.  Rose Mhando too has sung a song and many other singers I can’t mention them all here.  All of them are talking about how they had good friends and they betrayed them. 

Let me tell you.  The only person on this planet that you can have as a best friend is only Jesus.  He will never let you down and He can never be compared to any friend on this planet earth. 

I have been laughing with friends but little did I know that they never wished me well.  I gave myself to them and went out of my way to do things for them in the name of friendship and today I can’t see any around me.  I am not talking like these so that my friends can come back nor am I talking like these because I am a loner and life is difficult without them.  I am just talking to people who wonder with the kind of friends they have both in church and out of church, and how cruel they are.  Out of my experience it is very hard to have a good trusted friend in today’s era.   For those who oppose this I am sorry I am struggling in that area but I am happy for you if you have good trusted friends.  Keep them, take care of them because they are a gift from GOD.  It is not that easy for some people like me. I am yet to get good trusted friends for keeps!

When I say I all these, I do not mean I do not have friends.  No!!! I am just saying, have people around you as friends but be very careful on how you relate with them.  There are those in confidence you will tell them what you are doing in good faith and the same people will use the same information to tear you apart.  Sometimes it does not matter whether you told them the right things or wrong.  I bet with you no one is perfect.  We are bound to be wrong in one way or another, but that does not guarantee, now that am born again I wont wound you as a friend nor will you not wound me as a friend.   I always believe when one is my friend and a sincere friend, they should not judge me based to what I say.  I expect they do a research and compare their notes with what I said before judging me.  If I was wrong, let them correct me in a godly way, a way that I will not feel offended or carry guilt with me for the rest of my life.  If I said something that was really profound and it changed their lives, they should tell me and encourage me more to help others with the good thing I shared with them.

It is also good to judge people because some people are so malicious and they can be bad news if you are not careful.   When I talk about judgment I do not mean having a negative attitude towards people but you can judge someone in relation to our safety because we are in very bad times (i.e judge positively).  When you laugh and merry with some people, you may think you are reading from the same page but you will be shocked on what they think about you and what they plot against you.  Remember God said we should never judge anyone and I am not advocating judging others here.  I am just saying just read other peoples’ mind before they put you in shit by knowing their intentions even before they put you in problems.  By this I mean have a desire to discern things before hand and this can only be obtained when you have a strong relationship with the Lord. (JESUS).

You should ask God to give you the gift of discernment so that you can tell between the good and the bad.  People do not need to tell you anything bad or cross them so that you tell whether they are bad.  You can tell from so many things even when they are blinding you.

I had a friend for a long time, and we shared so much in common.  One day I decided to drop her home something we had not planned and that led me visiting her for the first time.   We were friends but not that close friends in relation to visiting one another but we could see each other from church and call one another. On that particular day, we talked so much and everything looked so rosy.  When the day broke, she escorted me to the gate so that I proceed home.  Little did I know I hurt her in any way from all what we conversed.    Immediately we parted ways, I felt my heart so heavy and I asked God what is all this heaviness about?    I asked myself did I grieve God.  What wrong did I talk?  Did I tell her something that was so deep and she was terribly hurt?  I asked myself so many things and am telling you it was not easy to tell exactly what I was feeling.  I felt like calling her and tell her to tell me if I said anything to her that really hurt her.  But, I said I will just keep it to myself and leave it at that.  When I reached home I made my call to her and tell her that I have arrived.  To my shock her phone was off.  I was mad.  I asked myself, if she knew I was to call her and tell her I arrived home safely, how come her phone is off.  I felt so bad.  I asked God what is all about this.  He told me the heaviness you felt it was true you really hurt her in the many things you shared with her but that should not worry you.  I made you meet and talk so that you can know she is not a good friend to you.  I was like really?  The answer was yes she is not a good friend to you just watch out!  After that confirmation, the heaviness left and I was fine.  Unfortunately I could not keep that to myself and I called another friend that God gave me in the recent past.  I told her the whole story.  She told me, Rose you told me not to trust everybody and I also sense she is not a good friend because a good friend who is there for you, will not make you struggle in knowing what you have done wrong to them.  They should openly tell you and not keep it to themselves. If I have hurt someone, I always wish they tell me we confront one another and mend that amicably but not create enemy.     Friendship is something to treasure and keep.  It is not something to play around with, whether it is from a male friend or a female.  Strong friendships are built by saying the truth even if one will be hurt.  Actually the Bible tells me that “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy”.   That clearly tells me that, those people who please me always, are not good friends.  But friends are those who hurt me deep but they teach me my lessons and I also teach them their lessons in relation to deep and stronger relationships that will make me a better person than I am.

 My dear friends, I have been a people pleaser for a long time and until I made Christ my Lord and my best friend, that today, I do not care about the earthly friendships.  They are full of pretence and maliciousness and thus I put all my hope and trust in my Lord alone.  The rest I tell God to work out my friendship because I know for sure the earthly friendships will not last long.  But for the short time or long time that He will allow me to be a friend to anyone, I will take that opportunity to grasp what God wanted in that relationship.  I have come to realize, God can bring someone close to you for just a day, days, a month, months, a year, and years but for a purpose.  But let me tell you, you have to note why God is bringing so and so in your life in whatever period of time. 

I had a friend who was so close when I was expecting my second baby.  To be honest I could not imagine our friendship would end one day.  Today we do not talk and we have never quarreled.  I asked myself, what happened.  It was dawn to me that, the friendship time was over and I should never think about the person but move on.  It does not matter whether it is a male friend or a female friend.  In my case it was a lady friend that I really treasured.

It is good to weigh how far you go with your friends and how much time and emotion part of you, you give to them.  When you get attached to a friend so much ask God to help you in that friendship because some friendships really break because we do not ask of the Lord and we do not have a gift of discerning so that we know exactly how long that friendship will last.  To clarify that is, in case that, that friendship ends, we do not take it personally but know that the time for the relationship had to end not because you did anything to that person, but the purpose intended in it was fulfilled and God will bring another friendship for another purpose.  In that regard, we will not have bad feelings about others and take them badly or have grudges.  I am praying that God will help me understand that because I have been struggling in that area for long now.  I want to let go every friend I feel just left me for no apparent reason.  I should understand that the time of friendship just lapsed and I should respect them for who they are and pray for them always for walking out of my life.  

We have so many people who are hurting and can’t even say hallo to one another and yet they were best friends.  That is happening so much even in the house of God and that is not a good picture especially from brethren.  

You would think all people think well of you but I will tell you, it is not all who think well of you.  Actually the least expected people will shock you how they do not like you and do not care about you.  The world is so evil you should be able to understand it and know how to respond to it as a child of God.

Chose your friends wisely and more to it put them in Gods hands that they be good friends who lift and encourage you.  

Have a lovely day!