WHAT IS UNDERNEATH THAT WIG YOU ARE WEARING?

I know that query really looks fit to be answered by women because they are the ones who wear wigs.  For those who do not know what wigs are, these are the fake hairs; we women put either like a hat or weaved on our heads which look exactly like our hairs. Many cannot really tell they are not our hairs for they look so marvelous and sweet on us.  Our self-esteem really goes high when we put them on, as in; they bring an elegancy in us especially when we want to really look elegant and glamorous, a look that our natural hairs do not bring out.   It is not a bad thing to put a wig or weave to look stunning, that should be clear.    But I want to use the wig illustration to tell my story and also minister to you.  Actually in my thirties years now, it is dawning on me that, I really need them as never before because of the challenge I am facing with my hairline that is really cutting and leaving it bald, in other words, loosing hair around the hairline which is now going backwards.  Laughs! Before I was really judging people with wigs and weaves though once in a while I would wear them just to feel good.  Now I really understand what role the wigs and weaves play in women’s life because I am in that space as I write this down. 

When I was growing up, I had this very beautiful hair, full in the head and very black.  Actually I was a very beautiful young girl who had this nice hair and a nice body that not many affirmed, and the few who did it, made me feel so nice.   Actually I remember one person who told me that my hair looks so nice just like a horse’s tail.  That remark made me swing and feel on the top of the world.  Unfortunately he did not tell me it is short lived.  I was in my early teens.  But in my early twenties when I got my first child, this beautiful hair started failing me and as I am told it is because of change of hormones because of bearing children, but I could not understand why God could allow me go through this torture.  If someone prepared me all along, I think that could not be an issue because in recent past I was really praying and asked God to forgive me if I sinned against him as He is using the hair thing to punish me.  I remember the answer He gave me was, “Look at your mother’s head.  She was as beautiful and with beautiful hair like yours.  But since this is a genetic thing, you have to go through the same thing. But for you, you are in a better position because now you know, work it out for you that you take care of the hairline and take others measures that ought to be taken to take care of the falling hair and the diminishing hair line”.  That sounds harsh yeah!  But it is a reality and many can support me.  But I know someone is laughing hard at me wondering, how can God talk to me like that and answer such a prayer?  I will tell you, when you have a personal relationship with God, that is how he will talk to you in all situations.  You will be shocked that God is a man like you and human like you and feels you just as you always feel.  That is why He came as a man so that you can understand; you were created in his image.  He feels all the pain you feel, all the fears you fear, all what you feel and go through.   God knows and understands all what you are going through no matter how big or small they are, relevant or irrelevant they are.   One thing one should know about our God is that, he is concerned about your little useless prayers/endevours and our big useful prayers/endevours.  Sometimes, the things we ask of the Lord look so silly to others though to us concerned they really matter so much.  A woman of my caliber now understands what if feels not to look so good and the pay off of it.  I will tell you the picture that comes out when one does not look attractive, brings about rejection, unworthiness, feeling so down and low and many others that weigh us down in our daily life.  I have learn my lesson the hardest way that, having a good look and portraying the right imagine really speaks a lot about you because, when the Lord sends you to speak to the people, they are able to marry what you are saying and the imagine they see about you.  On the highest occasion you will find yourself speaking to people and them responding better when you have be best image than when not.  So, to be able to add value in whatever you have been sent to execute, you have to look good and give the right picture that is needed in order to pass the message and people to believe in you.   You can imagine a mad man coming to preach to you, you will all run away because you all know what a mad man does! Laughs!  In the recent past I realized God has given me all these responsibilities in my hands and I need to change some things in me in relation to the way I look.  I have never cared so much about how I look as in that ignorant whisper has been telling me, do they dress you, do they provide anything to make you look good?  And has time has gone by; I have found many people not listening to me and not adhering to what I am saying but judge me so harshly. That attitude from the people I interact with often really kept pulling me down.   When, I prayed and I asked of the Lord what is wrong with me, the Lord told me, ‘Rose you have really worked on your inside so much but you have neglected your outside’.  I was like really?  Something kept on telling me the only person who knows about my both inside and outside is only God.  But the people can never know what is inside me but see the outside which they always judge.   When I say the outside I mean both in the way you present yourself and your actions.  So the message that I was giving them with the way I looked is that, I am not good enough as I spoke because I did not represent the messenger in the way I looked and acted in some talks.  As in what I say, does not conform to my outside.  So I said I will now work out on my outside so that the Lord can complement it with the inside.  This is a process too that I am working on and at the same time I want to help those who are at my level and struggling with the same.  Let me tell you the truth, God is really working wonders’ in my life.  This is a true testimony.  Just listening to him and the correction to make me his perfect person for His Kingdom, this is amazing and I love my fellowship with the Lord.  It is a sweet journey that I would encourage many to take.   

In the recent past, I made some lines on my hair (plaiting) that I am not very used to making because of the amount of money I had.  That decision, did not work out so well for me as much as I tried to bring this new look.  So, the day I removed them (undid) I was in shock, as in my hairline now worsened and I looked horrible.  I could not even look at myself on a mirror. So I decided to look for a piece of cloth to hide all that shame but I looked worse.  I could not believe my eyes.  Gosh!  Looking at the mirror was the hardest thing for me.  I did not get mad at God but asked Him,   ‘Lord, surely is this how I will look in front of people when you send me?’  I prayed and asked God to give me solutions.  When I saw a lady looking good on their hair, I stopped them and asked them who their hair dresser is.  Most of them were so shocked how I could have such guts to ask because in Nairobi when you ask someone anything, you are a suspect of anything you do not know.  I ignored the embarrassment that come with that action and in the process I got three hair dressers. I went visited them and asked them what can I do.  The answers they were giving me, were, I do exactly what I did in the past that has left me even worse.  I did not object them or make them feel they are not up their game, but I pointed out that I will pay a visit later for more advice but never committed to them as I knew I would not do what they said, as it failed me before.  I asked the Lord what to do and I remember when I was praying, the Lord reminded me of a Nigerian Man who had come to my office in Immigration when I was working there in 2005.    I went to my archive and got a book I had written telephone numbers that I had recorded there in that time, and got his number. He had come to Kenya to do business where he takes care of women’s hair with human hairs, weaves and other nice accessories.  I got the number and I embarked on calling him.  To my surprise he was still using the same number and asked him where he was.  He told me he is still where he had rented basing on the last time we met.   I did not hesitate I went to his business premises running because I knew I might get the solution to my hair.  I was so happy to see the way the Lord has blessed him and the business is marveling and doing so well.  I told him I was in dilemma about my hair.  He told me if I can try a wig.  I told him this time round I am not going to choose on anything but go for what will change my look because I looked so old and outdated. 

He got one of the ladies and told them to get for me the wig that will fit me.  I got two nice wigs.  Let me now share my testimony.  The minute I wore the wigs and put my best dress, I changed in a twinkle of a second and I looked stunning.   No one could believe it was me.  I have now received a million affirmations that I am a very beautiful woman.  I can’t imagine what I have been missing out.  That has given me a very high self-esteem that is taking me to my right place. 

Wait a minute!  One day when I was just working on my head and it was the time to put on the wig, I asked myself, won’t I be lying to the world, that, I am not who the wig makes me to be,   Because I really look stunning and very beautiful with my new look as everyone is telling me I am beautiful?  An inner voice told me, do not neglect your short hair inside, and take good care of it just as the outside because you do not know what will happen in the future, because the devil can try to embarrass you and the wig falls off, or you just decide you are fed up with the wig thing and you become real.  I said to myself, actually the inner hair is the one I am using a lot of money on, to take care of  because of the hairline and ensuring it will grow well and give a nice natural look when that time of removing the wig comes.     What point am I trying to put across?  The wig and the weaves I have been talking about all along, is an illustration to make you understand that, it represents who we really are as persons.  The short hair inside growing it stands for your hearts and our Spiritual life.  Just the way we take care of our outlook, we also ought to take care of our spiritual lives in the inside.  What do I mean?  As a child of God you should be the disciple of the Lord.  Get to know what your purpose is and what God has called you to do in the His Kingdom.  If he has called you to be a Prophet, Intercessor, Priest, Good Samaritan, Care giver, lover of the Oppressed and my list is endless, please, get to know what God created you for so that you can serve him with all your gifts.   The short hair growing inside and the failing hairline, is our inside life, our hearts and the level of our salvation which is very sensitive.  When you take care of your heart and do right by listening to the voice of God, then you will grow spiritually inside and you will be of good to the people around you and you will surely be a disciple of Jesus when you love others and serve them.  The failing hairline is our weaknesses that we need to work on because no one is perfect and no one has arrived.  We are all in a journey and God is taking us through it at different levels.  Start from where you are. If you are at that short hair please nature it until you grow it to a level that you won’t need a wig anymore (reach maturity) whereby you will be happy for who God has made you to be no matter what. 

I am so happy for what the Lord is doing in my life.  My story about my wig is my Testimony and I am praying that the Lord will also speak to you.    My dear friends, those wigs, weaves, cosmetics and others especially for women, I would ask, what is beneath them?  Is it hate, bitterness, anger, pride, jealousy, back biting, fear and others that are not the fruits of the Holy Spirit or what?   I know men are wondering what I will pick for them as an illustration to point out the same message.  My dear brothers (men) what is behind that nice suit, that good job, that good and nice car you ride every day and heads go turning, that business that God has blessed you with, that family, that beautiful girlfriend or wife that you feel is everything to you in place of God, and other things that we really value more that our God, what is it, is it intimidation, rape, drugs, adultery, boasting, love of money and the list is endless.  What is it?

I would like to encourage ourselves that we love the Lord with all our hearts and mind.  First we give our lives to him those who have not done so and those who have, we go back to the drawing board and ask of Him, what am I not doing that I ought to do to give God glory from both my inside and my outside?  I have realized the place we all run to thinking is the safest place, that is the Church, is all where all the evil was dumped because we allowed to go to the church with our baggage’s but never released them to our Lord so that he can ease them from us.   We ought to take our baggage of sins and burdens to the Lord’s feet and this means, having a personal relationship with him so that he can deal with us both in the inside and in the outside.    I will ask everyone who goes to church, what do you go to do in that church?  Do you go there to revenge, to vent, to take your stress out, to hate on people, to show your pride and arrogance, what exactly do you do there in that church you say you go to serve and be ministered to?   The house of God is a place where we as Christians should show the love of God by, caring about others, lifting others and identifying their gifts and helping them bring themselves out for the kingdom, the place of healing, those depressed find peace and tranquility, those left out find a home, those hurting find a place to cry out at  and get help, a place that one makes it a home, even to the worst sinners giving them hope and not judgment, a place to call heaven.  I have come to realize many of us Christians are worse of the worldly people and we need a change both in our inside and outside so that we can be used of the Lord.  Let us look at ourselves from where we stand as per now and see where we are wrong and work it out asking God to help us through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  You who does not know the Lord, can you first give your life to the Lord and look for a Bible believing Church and grow with them.  That is your assignment from now.  For us who are born again, can we go back and remember our first love and look for where we went wrong and seek God again so that we be revived and do what God has called us to do?  Let me finish by saying, there is hope to everyone and we should never give up at all.  Be blessed and have a lovely time!

HOW TO TELL THAT YOU ARE CONQUERING A WEAKNESS

As human beings, we have so many weaknesses, and that is why we cannot depend on ourselves in relation to having no weaknesses. Jesus came to this world and died for us to set us free from all our sins, weakness, bondages and many other shortcomings.    I am glad that He died for me a sinner so that I can be set free once and for all.  You can imagine everyday someone dying for me so that I can be made whole! Many people would have died for me and for us all.  So, actually no one would be in this world if we were dying every day for one another’s sin.  But for so God loved the world that he gave his only Son, Jesus, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have Eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to be its judge, but to be its savior.  Jesus died for us once and for all.  Our work is to work out our salvation with fear and trembling knowing that he does not love people living in sin but conquering the sin through his death and our daily repenting and walking away from the sin.  

A friend of mine once told me, Christianity is the hardest life to live. If we are to live the way we ought to live as the Bible reckons, then all of us we could be living in a Holy place.   I would say that is true but you know in this world not all of us are born again and so we have so many people who do not believe in Jesus. That does not mean God does not love them. He loves them and that is why he died for each and everyone one so that we can all have life and enjoy it to the fullest.  But remember, this is not the home for those who love him.  He has a home for them that he has prepared for them.  In this world we are just passersby and thus it is not for the righteous but for the evil one who has taken dominion over it.  That is why you see some people have heard about the gospel and others not.  Others have but have ignored it and followed what they feel is good for them.  As in, we all have a free will and a choice to make in everything we want to do.  The fact here is that, there are two forces, one, the force of the evil one which is the prevailing one in this world and the force of the good, that is the Spirit of God which has been embraced by a few. The rest just walk in blindness as they do not know the mysteries of salvation and what it entails having eternal life.  Happy are those who have known the truth and the truth shall set them free.  

We are all in a position to make choices as for what force to follow and not to follow.  Of course for the choice of the darkness there is a pay of hell and the choice of light there is a pay of heaven.  Which one have you chosen?  This is a question you should answer yourself because it is a personal choice, no one can do it for you.  I thank God I chose the light not because I am perfect  but I acknowledge the life I live, I live in faith by Christ who died for me and died for me and has a great purpose for me.  It is a joy to have Jesus as your friend and brother because you share all what God has in store for you as his child. 

But as much as I am saying this, salvation life is not that easy i agree with my friends sentiments.   What the Lord taught us to do, most of the time in this world, you feel like it was never meant to be.  Can you imagine Jesus telling us when someone slaps your cheek you give him or her the other one to do the same?  How many would dare tolerate that in real sense.  I guess not many in any case, that sounds not applicable because what we always see around ourselves is that, if one slaps your cheek you always jump on them and give them a blow instead and make sure they pay for it as they started it anyway. Laughs!  That is what the world entails.  But Jesus taught us otherwise that we should not be people that revenge.  As Christians we find ourselves struggling with many weakness that we all have but as we are always told, salvation is a process. You will not get saved today and walk in righteousness of your own.  You walk and stand because of the righteousness of Jesus our Lord and Saviour and that is why we are saying even if you sin, you have a chance to repent and continue having a fellowship with Him, as he will not judge you eternally.   Your sins were died for once and for all, but you work out your salvation so that you will live a righteous and godly life.  But that is not as easy as we may think because, a lot is expected from you especially when you confess Jesus as Lord and Saviour of your soul.  You know many people try to judge us Christians with our small mistakes or big ones that we make and say, “If that is what you call salvation, then, I will not get saved”.  The thing here is not about others, but it is about you and your God.   Stand on your own and make the confession and walk personally with him as a person, working out all your weaknesses one by one as days goes by without comparing yourself with anyone.  Everyone will stand before our maker and we will give account of our good and bad.  Will you be with anyone to do that?  No!  You will be alone and you will not use any scape goat.  So, work out your own salvation.  As you get on, you will find you will be conquering each weakness accordingly and you will be reaching your perfection.  Many people fear to make that decision for the fear of feeling they will never be holy because of the struggles they have.  There are many people in that dilemma.  But I will tell you my dear friend do not look at your weakness now and the days to come. The Lord knows them very well.  What you need to do is to accept him and other things will be corrected as time goes by as you continue walking with Him and Him revealing to you all what is good and evil and how to go about each and every weakness and strength you have.  Remember, God uses both the good and evil for His glory.  Who are you to judge.  Just walk in his righteousness and guidance through the Holy Spirit and he will surprise you of His mysteries that you could never have  known if you did not accept Him as your Lord and Saviour.   

I will talk about a struggle that I have been having for ages since I got born again. I am one person who gets angered so easily and I can blow it out of proportion.  But in the recent past I told God to help me conquer that struggle.  It is anger that most of the time I do not really like as it makes me look sometimes like a mad woman when i vent in my worldly way (when not guided by the Lord).  Yes! For real.   I can imagine the look on your face on my confession.  That is not a place I have always wanted to be especially when i found myself there.  Getting annoyed and causing does not pay one anything.  Actually people really look down upon you as much as you feel you want to vent and make the person who has offended you look very wrong and seek for forgiveness. I have learnt it the hardest way that the best thing to do is to keep cool, calm and collected and allow the Holy Spirit speak to you and tell you exactly what to do in such a scenario.  As I have said I have struggled with anger for a long time and until I identified it and noted it to be a bad thing, then I would have lived like that, thinking I am right and thus, I am very wrong.  I am not trying to say I will never get mad, no, but I am saying nowadays I listen to myself more than just vent out any how and say anything that will hurt many and myself too. I am at a place that I am working it out daily and telling God to help me.  This is not the only struggle I have, but I am working on each as days’ go by and I know God will perfect me and make me whole so that I walk in total peace and a freedom.

So, how do you know that you are getting a change from your anger weakness like mine?  You will understand you are conquering your anger through experiences that you will come along with that warrant a lot of getting bitter and angered.  The way you will react that is what will determine that you have overcome it or you are still struggling.  If you keep cool, calm and collected, you  have dealt with it but if you react and vent it out by making things look crazy, then you are struggling and  you need to work it out. 

I will give an experience that I had on the 27^th January 2015. The day before that material day,  I was going to the shop, I saw someone had double parked in front of my car.  What came in my mind is that, that person might not wake up early to remove the car before I woke up and that signaled to me that, when the morning comes, there would be a problem.  Without giving it so much concern, I just went to my house and hoped that the person will have left before I woke up.  But something kept on telling me that, that person did that intentionally. Anyway, I brushed that and said, let me wait and see what will happen in the morning.  Morning came and for real the person who had parked in front of me had not left as the car was still blocking me confirming what I predicted earlier on that there would be a problem truly came to pass.  That morning I over slept and that meant hurrying from my morning preparations and dash out very fast to drop my baby to school as we did not have so much time left.  When I found the car blocking me, I asked God to help me not get annoyed.  I saw people that live around there, were waiting for me to react because a scenario like that had ever happened and it did not end up so well.  Thinking I will do the same, this time round, they got a rude shock as I chose to listen to God and depend on him as I had all the reason to get annoyed and create some drama so that the person can learn a lesson or those who have the same tendencies can learn their lesson too.  The Lord told me to be cool and calm.  The people around started surrounding and behaving like I am not reacting and I should react.  I said, I will not listen to what the people are saying or the signals that they are trying to send but depend on God.  I called one of the caretakers and asked her, if she knew where the person lives.  She told me she does not know.  Equally I did not know where she/he lived and so one of the caretakers decided to ask and she was told the house number.  She went knocked the door but no one was answering and the door had a pad-lock.  When she came back to tell me that the door was locked and no one is responding, I nearly got annoyed as in I wondered how would one double park and leave for good and not caring about the person they have blocked.  The Lord spoke softly and said “do not react Rose.  Just walk in there and knock the door so loudly so that the person can wake up if they are in deep asleep”.  That is exactly what I did.  I went there and knocked the door so loudly so that the person can wake up.  To my shock, the lady opened the door and said “hey, you do not need to knock my door so hard, I am coming to remove the car”.  I was so shocked that all these time she knew what she was doing and she only wanted to see how I will behave when she did that.  I could not believe my ears and eyes.    I realized this is something she had planned because even the way the people were behaving outside, they were waiting for drama.  I did not utter a word I just walked away and went to my car.  She did not even tell me she is sorry for what she had done.  To her she took the offence that I knocked her door so hard forgetting she also had offended me by blocking me.  I am not saying i am trying to revenge here, but i knocked the door hard thinking she did not hear the other knocks.  Anyway,sh   She called someone to pick her keys to remove the car but they did it so reluctantly in a way to suggest, we wanted you to react and you are not and you should.  I kept my cool and the car was removed.  I did not say anything I just left the place.  I left everyone in awe as how come this time round I did not cause?  I wish they knew the transformation that is taking place in my life that I am working on in relation to my salvation, through getting rid of getting angered and reacting like someone who does not reason or has no control. 

The Holy Spirit kept encouraging me and telling me to keep cool.  To be honest I realized that I am now conquering my anger day by day.  As I went a few meters I saw a friend and I gave her a ride and I shared with her the whole ordeal.  She told me, ‘Rose, I thank God you hear him speak to you and you listen.  As for me, I do not think I would have reacted the way you did.  That truly is God’.  She told me she would have really caused because that was very unfair.  I told her, I thank God it happened because it is an evidence to me that I am outgrowing my weakness of anger every day.  I know that is not the only scenario that will come my way but that is a point that tells me, I am going to work it out and it shall be well with me.   I dropped her near her office and  proceeded to my son’s school.  Of course I was just thinking about the whole drama and how I behaved, but I kept asking God, ‘why would someone do such a thing to someone and they do not even feel sorry about it?”  And the Lord told me in a soft voice, “it is a matter of choice, you do good or you do bad.  You chose to do good and that is what I call for, for I am the l light and not darkness.  I will say, in our daily undertakings, we will find ourselves in very awkward situations, but if we allow the Holy Spirit to minister to us, then we will always do the right things opposing the wrong doings.  Even if we do the wrong things, He will always prompt us to ask for forgiveness and work it out and try not to do it again. 

I dropped my baby to school and while going I saw another parent who dropped her child walking to work.  I offered to give her a ride to as I knew from the school to get the public transport is hard.  So I decided to be good to her and extend my love and concern to her by giving her a chance to ride with me as I was so happy for what I did.  To me it was a victorious moment and I said I will celebrate it by sharing it with her as much as I knew she is a stranger to me.   I happily shared and she was very encouraged and really blessed me for sharing with her my testimony.  I also want to extend to you the same as I share my story, you feel intimidated, humiliated, frustrated and so forth, do not give up.  Do not get annoyed or vent uncontrollably, but ask the Lord to fight your battles and give you the Grace to move on and live at peace and love everyone whether they love you in return or no.   The Lord knows you with all your weaknesses and he is ready to help you out.  Do not depend on your own understanding but ask of him to take control through your surrender to him.  Remember, God loves you and he will always repay your good works and deeds at His own time.  Be encouraged and remember it takes the Spirit of God to guide us in the light and it takes the spirit of the evil one to walk in sin and darkness.  Embrace Jesus and he will never let you down.  Be blessed and have a wonderful time. 

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE CRITICS YOU OR COMMENTS SOMETHING AND YOU ARE LEFT WONDERING…….. DID SHE OR HE HAVE TO ASK ME THAT QUERY OR TELL ME THAT?

Most of the time we appreciate or not appreciate what others tell us in relation to who we are, what we are doing, what we want to hear and so forth.  Unfortunately as human beings, we always take an offense on the remarks especially if they do not favour us in one way or the other. 

Usually when I want to write on something on my blog or my facebook wall, I have to really think about it as many times as possible to see whether I needed to say it or not.  Sometimes I get a drive that tells me, you need to write this Rose and do not hesitate. Sometimes still, I write something and when I am just about to post it, something tells me no, do not post it, and I leave it by the way.  Something I have written more than even 10 pages.  It is unfortunate that, in my good faith of wanting to share with the world what is in my mind, many will not take it lightly or they will be offended so badly to a point of even hating me.  But deep down my heart, I know there is someone I needed to talk to who is in the same shoe  needed or needs to be encouraged, guided, feel not alone and so on. Those are the people I love speaking to as much as I get a lot of opposition for sharing deep and sensitive matters.  Anyway, it has been a beautiful year 2014 and I am anticipating a better 2015 with a lot of expectations.

But before the year 2014 ends, I want to write this closure of the year note that will encourage you to move on and search yourself.  I know most of the time I have offended many and many a times I have blessed and helped them though I get few or no response as to who I have helped but through the Holy Spirit I always feel I have helped many in all what I write as much as I base it on my personal life and experiences.    I love the part of helping others than the offending, because I have a mission of ministering to people and blessing them more than making them feel down cast.  All the same I love my audience though I am not sure of the numbers that I offend and humiliate, but I would really ask for forgiveness if you are one of the persons I do hurt in the process of expressing myself.  For those I minister to, please do not stop encouraging me in whatever way. 

I am a Sanguine by nature and the other day I also realized I am choleric.  Really??????  After I did the test to ascertain my personality, I realized I just became Choleric in like two or three years now.  Before I used to be a Sanguine-Melancholy, but now I am Sanguine-Choleric.  So how come the first personality changed?  I will fearfully tell you, it is because I found my purpose and that I am born a leader that I never knew I was for a long time.  Little did I know that the Lord was making me and cooking me so that at his divine time he will unleash me.  This is the time as in I am sure I am now fully cooked and need to go out there and do all what He has called me to do in this world.  All personalities are good and sweet, but you should ask God why he created you with the personality you have or he is going to give you in the course of the journey, because there is a reason why God created you the way he created you as in you have a great purpose in this life with your personality at whatever level.  You do not need to sit down and start envying others for who they are or what they are capable of doing or saying.  You have all it takes to be who God has created you to be and you are very unique; yes! you have very high potential to surprise the world if you really want to be who God wants you to be.  But if you limit yourself with what you do not have, then you will never have nor be. 

Enough of explaining my personality which I always love as day dawns, but I want to say, some days’ ago, I met this lady who used to make my hair sometime back like four to three years ago.  We had not met since that time and this particular day we bumped on each other in the streets of Nairobi.  When we met, I saw a lot of changes in her that made me see how young she looked, lost some considerable weight, and looked so cute for real.  When I saw her what came in my mind was, that, I need to look stunning and cute like her.  As I neared her, I started smiling from a far so that she can connect with me.  Unfortunately she looked at me those of, where did I see you, and am I mistaking you with someone else?  Of course I could tell what was in her mind but when I continued nearing her, I also could not remember her name but I asked her excitedly, “Sasa my dear, habari ya masiku? Manzy unakaapoa!”  (Hi my dear, how have you been? You look so stunning!)  Then she looked at me confused and said, “Imagine najaribu kukumbuka tulikutana wapi lakini si get. Haki nikumbushe.”(Imagine, I am trying to remember where did we meet but I can’t remember, please remind me).  Well, I did not take it offensively as I used to do in the past when someone behaved like that, as used to feel so sorry for myself because I thought they were pretending. Anyway, excitedly I told her, “Wacha! you mean haki umenisahau naulikuwa unanitengeneza nywele at Kenya Re?”(Surely you mean you forgot me and you used to make my hair when you were at Kenya Re?).  Then she exclaimed “My friend, ni wewe?  Haki uhana shushu, kwa nini sasa ulikata nywele yako, na kwanini uliweka Curl-kit?  Hiyo hair style ni ya wamama.”   (My friend, is it you? To be honest, you look like a grandmother, why did you cut your hair and put on a curl-kit?  That hair style is meant for older women” Gosh I felt like falling down as for me I knew I looked stunning bearing in mind before I put that Curl-kit, I looked horrible but the curl-kit I had was meant to cover up what I was going through as much as I knew at the back of my mind I would love to look better than I looked.  Little did I know that people judge me differently when they meet me.  There are those who look at me and wonder and there are those who look at me and tell me I look nice.  So who out of this should I believe?  Anyway, we all know our weaknesses and failure and that is why most of the time you will never bother what goes around peoples’ mind in regards to who you are according to them.  My point today was to talk about the remarks people make towards us using my two examples.  Of course there are many examples to use, but I felt comfortable to use these ones because they really helped me understand, not all remarks are bad as much as they look bad.  Some are meant to help us change and be different people as I chose to take this two positively  as i mention the other one as we proceed.  I am working on the lessons they have taught me. As it concerns this hair dresser, I would have chosen to get offended and not listen to what she was telling me as much as it looked awkward, but somehow this time round I chose the positive side of the remark because I have realized I really have to change for so many reasons a head of me.  I know my personality does not really like being criticized, but that is a negative aspect about my personality that I am really working on to change and not brush all criticizes but also be very careful because the world is very evil they are so malicious and most of the time they criticize you so that they crash you.

The other remark that I got from my coach is, he noted a phrase that i am fond of using that has made him be very uncomfortable and he has purposed to help me change it for my good, and this is what he said, “Rose, I am sorry you love saying you have no money every time.  Or rather you like saying, I have not done this or that because I do not have money.  That is a phrase I want you quit saying from today henceforth.  How is that?”  I was in shock that I say that unconsciously  just because i have always felt i explain myself to be heard.  I have never noticed though in real sense i usually do not have money in the pocket as at that time, but once i get my money it goes to my many projects that i have and thus feel i lack money.  But what shocked me is that I had a phrase that defined me and no wonder money has always run away from me.  Such kind of a phrase attracts lack and I am so grateful that my coach told me to stop.  To be honest, I have to confess that, that phrase has not fully come out of my mouth because, after that session, I told a friend I have not done something because I had no money.  Then I remembered I told my coach that I will stop saying that I do not have money.  I am struggling to stop saying that as I was also invited somewhere and I was asked to speak, I made the same comment that I do not have money… and immediately I did that, I remembered and said in my heart, ‘oh my God, I thought I said I will never say this.’  In life, we have struggles that we go through and most of the time we really have to work on them.  This is one struggle I am praying that the Lord will remove from my life because it has defined me even in my talks.  For me that correction from my coach is a big lesson and I am grateful he made me realize how wrong I am by confessing with my mouth things that weigh me and others down. Who wants to walk around with someone who always sings they do not have money anyway? No one! That is a very negative power of the tongue that everyone who is in my shoes should stop with immediate effect and trust God that He will change and deliver us from.   

I know for sure soon this remark will be a song of the past.  But prior to my abolishing this statement, may be you might be in my shoes and you wonder where do people get money from like me?  I got a secret and I know soon God will help me overcome this shortcoming.  But I came to realize, money is not everything.  When you have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, then you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.  As in, as much as I always say I have no money, I do not sleep hungry, my children go to school.  I dress well and do many things.  I guess even people wonder how I always scream I do not have money and they see all what I have done.   I guess the reason why I always sing I have no money is because I have an empty bank account or no substantial amount of cash in my purse.  As in, if you called me now and told me Rose I need this amount of money, to be honest I will not lie to you I have little may be to take care of the day the rest i leave it to God.  But somehow at the end of the day the things I do are so great even with that empty bank account as for me I know I have been living by the Grace of God.   But next year 2015, I want to stop that phrase and say I have money so that the account can start filling up.  What am I saying, it is good we be real, but sometimes God wants us to use our realness to go to our next level by looking at what is around us that can change us to be better people that God has created us to be and not look at what we do not have.  Especially what has made us feel down and low is looking at other people and thinking, us, we can never be like them.  That is a lie from the devil. We should always be connected with our God so that he can open our eyes and see what is in store for us.

The other day I was sharing with a friend of mine and I told her that, most of my friends are doing very well.  They drive big cars, they have beautiful houses, and they live good life, but all these friends no one has ever held my hand and told me what they do in order to achieve all their wealth and good lives that I really admire about them.  As some few years ago, God spoke to me in a very low voice and said, ‘Rose, you can be all what you want to be, but until you stop pitying yourself and work out on your strengths, then you will remain where you are and no one will help you.  You need to wake up and use what I have given you to become who you really know you are’.  First, I thought I am just speaking to myself just because I knew where I was.  But as time went by I started asking God, what I can do in order to be a different person.

I embarked on reading the Word of God, fasting, praying and doing the things I knew will make me closer to God so that he reveals to me what he created me for.  I will not forget, 4 years ago, he connected me with a friend who I shared with a problem relating to my son and she recommended me to join her church so that I attend a class that will help me know how to handle my son.  The class was called “Lea”.  I visited her church one Sunday, and instead of doing that class, I did another class that was provided known as “Mizizi”.  This is a word from Swahili that means Roots. After doing that 10 week class in the Church I currently attend, my life changed.  I realized, I played church all these years instead of having a personal relationship with my Father and thus got to know where my problems were.  First, for you to go to your next level, you must have a personal relationship with Jesus.  What I am saying is this, please stop playing religion and embrace the love of Jesus as your Personal Saviour because he will answer most of your questions through the Holy Spirit and you will understand why you go through what you go through, because it is not usually meant for harm, but for building and making you be what he has called you to be.   Today as I write this, I have no money, I will repeat my phrase hoping this will be the last mention, but he Joy of the Lord in my heart, has made me appreciate who I am in him and what he is doing in my life.  I have written a personal profile about myself now, but next year and others years to come I will not be the same Rose and i have faith i will be here to share my testimony.  I believe down deep my heart I will no longer sing that song of I do not have money because now I will go look for that money like any other person.  What I will tell you, no one will walk your way and put money in your pocket.  You have to look for what is around you that will make you have that money that everyone has that you do not have.  Make up your mind today and say I will stop singing I have no money and join my club and sing I have money and I will look for ways that will help me get  that money in my pocket and enjoy life to the fullest just like any other person on planet earth who has money.  Remembering money will never buy joy but it will enable you do many things that will bring joy in your heart.  Remember also not all you do with money that will bring the Joy, but surrender it to God to guide and direct you to do what he has called you to do with it for His Glory  so that your joy can be full in him.    The choice is yours.  But remember when you have money and it has no impact in the Kingdom of God that money will take you nowhere.  But if it does something great in the Kingdom, it will increase and it will never end.  Your children, children, children, children and the many coming generations, will eat the fruit of your work.

Hey I talk so much, so what lessons did I learn from my two friends that is my hair dresser and my coach?  Most of the time we take offense very fast may be because of the situations that are surrounding us.  But can we pose now and start listening more than getting quick to get offended and hear what the other person is saying.  Of course there are those who have evil motives against us but we can ask God to give us a gift of discernment so that we will know what he is telling us through our friends or people in our lives whether in good or bad to enable us achieve our success.

I thank God for my hair dresser and my coach because I have taken their remarks very seriously and I am working on many changes in my life in order to be the kind of a person I have always loved to be instead of looking at my weaknesses and lack. 

I will also add on a lesson learnt too from  one of the Senior Pastors in my church Mavuno Church – Hill City http://www.mavunochurch.org/new/  Pastor Linda Ochola –Adolwa, ministered to me in the course of the month of December 2014 through the sermon series, that, God is with us in all our life journey and we should never give up on him. He has good plans for us, plans to prosper us and give us hope and a future.    We should never give a chance to anyone or anything to define us the wrong way.  We have all the potential to be what God has created and purposed us to be as long we are ready to surrender to him and put all our trust in him. Of course we will face many challenges, but with him, he will make us victorious as he will always make ways where there seems to be no way in Jesus Name. Amen!

Thank you all and have a wonderful Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2015!

God bless you!