HOW DO WE CRITICIZE?

When God allowed me to fellowship at Mavuno Church for nearly 5 years, before i left, i learnt so much and i do not regret being in that Church even a single minute; because they produced a fearless woman who is wired for greatness in her Ministry.  The leader i am today was made my Mavuno Church and that for sure no one can change.  When i first entered that church, the first thing that i felt was, this is home. 

The reason why i made it home was because you are taken the way you are and you are appreciated with all your mess/flaws/issues.  What???  Yes, in Mavuno, you sit with people who have these issues and for sure no one will look at you with those eyes of, 'Do you know you are in Church and you should come here when you are sober or not in that mini skirt?'  At Mavuno, that is not a wonder. That is actually a blessing because people are ready to walk with you and help you overcome your issues/flaws/weaknesses e.t.c.

When i entered this church to be precise, there were a few things i did not really agree with, but that does not mean other Churches do not have things that i do not agree with.  I have hopped Churches for long and i can tell you, the many things i did not agree with all the Churches i have ever attended.  However, my biggest lesson about church hopping is this; no Church is perfect, just as no one is perfect.  We all have flaws that God deals with in us, on a daily basis and he perfects us through His Son Jesus Christ.  My advice to all those that have never Church hopped or are still Church hopping,  please stick to where you fellowship unless the Lord sends you out, as he did with me from Mavuno to where i am today.  (This is a story for another day.  But i am happy where i am). 

In my case, i would never have dreamt out of Mavuno even a single day as i had found a home.  But the Lord clearly told me that, i was just there to be coached to be a Leader and a Leader who is fearless, and that is exactly who Rose Gatobu is today.  A FEARLESS WOMAN WHO IS WIRED FOR GREATNESS.  Where i fellowship today, I see so much i will do for the Ministry because i have all it takes to serve there, and i thank God i had passed through Mavuno to get the training's and the many things i learnt when i was there.  One aspect that made me love Mavuno is, the aspect of being sincere and open and telling all, of who exactly you are (being real).  Very few Churches do that, and it is from that openness and sincere virtue that i have found myself being so real to an extent that people hate me for being real and honest.  One wonders why real people are never liked. 

 Let me tell you.  By the time i left Mavuno, God had dealt with nearly all my issues and today i am a free Woman of God.  If there is anyone who can point a finger at me, let him or her do it right now.  The last person that i would have expected to do that would be my Ex who hurt me so deep.  When i asked God to help me get rid of him, he did something i will never forget and i was able to come out of that stronghold that was tearing me apart from God.  Today i am set free because, that is the only person who would have stood up and say Rose is lying because she says she is born again and she sleeps around with me (Fornication).  These are things many people in Church are struggling with, and if one asks me how i overcame, i will always tell my story.  How many people are in Church today, and can stand up and tell us the things they are doing in the secret that are not right?  When Sunday comes, we see everyone in their Sunday best and we would think we are all angels and yet inside us we have struggles that are weighing us down.   Can you dare like me and say things exactly as i am doing if you are bold enough? It is not an easy thing to do if that is not a calling my dear friend.    Then, why would you want me to live a lie and expect me to serve God in Truth and Spirit?  I am talking boldly today because God has delivered me and i would also want others to be delivered.   Today i am as a clean woman who has been set free as the most of the shit i had, i have dealt with it, by the power of my Lord.  I know i am not perfect still but one day at a time as the Lord perfects me.  

As much as you will stand up and tell me you do not want to hear about my sleeping around, the many men that i have dealt with whom i have shared about, the children i have out of wedlock, the way i lack and most of the time i advertise it here on my page, and many other things that i share on this blog and Facebook, that are too personal and you feel, Rose is out of her mind; i want to ask you one query; what have you shared with us, as something you have struggled with and conquered it to encourage us who have been struggling all this time and we need to be set free like you and you have not shared?    If you are not selfish why do you just celebrate yourself and yet we should be celebrating our victories together?  My joy today is that, i do not try to show the world how holier than thou i am and yet i know inside myself i am rotting and i am wired for Hell.  Lord, thank you for making who i am, because every day you make me to be more like you and i am proud of whom i am in Christ Jesus.  Amen!

So what about criticism?  I nearly forgot that was the main thing in my writing today.    What i want to say is this, the first time i heard about personalities was at Mavuno Church, where I was given this CD as a present, as a new visitor in that Church.  When i went home i put it in my DVD player and Pastor M and Pastor Carol talked so well about personalities and gave their testimonies how they had to cope with their different personalities and realized their personalities were meant to compliment them and not shutter them.  Actually it reached a point where they thought they were not meant to be, as they all did things so differently.  Thanks be to God, when they learnt about their personalities and why they behaved the way they behaved, made them to be so close and built a very strong relationship. 

After doing a test on personalities i came to realize that i am a Choleric Sanguine.  This personality is not a joke!  It is the second strongest extrovert personality that i do not think many would love, especially when you read about their flaws.  Now i know why people do not love me that much.  Why? Because of my personality.  Simple!  But who can change who God created me to be?  Only God can do that.  Needless to say, to be very honest, people of my personality, hate criticism.  This is one of our flaws.  I won’t mention the others for now but you can google and get all what i am talking about in relation to personalities.    For a fact, when you criticize us, our friendship ends there.  That is because we believe in ourselves; which is very wrong, but that is who we really are in the real sense.  However, there is hope for us, when we get born-again that is people with this personality, we take criticism very keenly, but first, we coil ourselves and then we go to consult with the Holy Spirit who interprets the criticism amicably and we come out with the answers that God reveals to us and expects us to execute them as children of God.  That is the sweetest thing because if you lie on your own understanding you can mess up.   

God has always given me directions, some he tells me to take them up and others he tells me, they are just ways of intimidating me and i leave them at that.  I had a tendency of hating people who criticized me in the past, but God has taught me how to love them the way they are and prove to them that they are very wrong in the way they think about me and  clearly God reveals to them why i had to share my testimonies for His glory.  I will honestly say, God does it through the guidance of the Holy Spirit as many confess to me later on.    That for sure has worked for me and i thank God that my honesty and openness has helped me conquer most of my weakness.  I do not need to hate anyone who does not agree with me, but i need to take criticism positively if it is genuine and drop it, if it is meant to hurt and  humiliate me. 

I had this conversation with Him (Holy Spirit) a few days ago, where someone echoed exactly the same words another person did in the past, who criticized me about how i talk and what i say.  Most of the time, i find myself talking about my very deep personal things in public in a very innocent way, in the name of wanting to make things clear or help someone struggling to know they are not the only ones struggling, with no offense about it, only to find out later there are those that were not amused and others appreciated.  

Immediately i say anything, i always get people who praise me and say, "Rose to be honest you are very honest and courageous woman and not many can say the things you say” and they tell me,  "You really encourage us and give us hope about our weakness that God can also help us and set us free."   And the other lot says, "We do not want to hear about your mess or the things you do not like or like, nobody will support you even if you tell us all about your issues.  We all have our past, so, what are you telling us?  No wonder people run away from you, hate and reject you, because of your flaws and no one wants to be associated with you, keep your secrets, secret and die with them if you want people to love you and respect you" 

Who wants to hear the latter version, as it is always my hardest thing to hear from people whom you think love you and yet they think that negative or bad about you.  As much as people love keeping things to themselves and it is a good idea, let us separate when it is a testimony to help others come of the problem than making it personal.  I am not very happy when i expose myself most of the time because i know the repercussions, as i have always indicated and clarified that, this is my Ministry.  God can not allow you to go through painful experiences and give you victory to keep them to yourselves.  He wants you to use your testimony to build, encourage and correct others so that they can see their victories too in Christ Jesus.  What do you do when you find yourself in my shoes?    Most of the people in my shoes, get depressed, hate themselves and get lost through confusion.  As for me i go to Jesus and ask Him what to do.  And He clearly tells me that, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made".  Amen!  He also tells me "Before i was in mother’s womb, He knew me.” Amen!  He also tells me that "All things work together for good to those that are called according to his purpose” Amen!  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  My list is endless if you know where i am quoting all these Words from.  For the sake of those who do not know, when does Jesus tell me all that, it is in His Book the Bible.  Now you know.  

When you look at those two remarks i have mentioned, you will get confused and wonder which one do you believe in.  The one that people are praising you for who you are, or the one that people are judging you from?  Let me be very candid today here on this blog  and other places that i talk or express myself in.  I do not say anything that is not good about me, so that people can emulate me, but i do talk about my weakness so that i get help, and also help those that have the same weakness and give them hope from my testimonies.   

You can imagine when one knows you have been a drunk, a prostitute, a thief, an adulterer, and they suffer the same problems and they hear how God helped and delivered you, they tend to get attracted to you and want to be helped and be set free like you.  That is the essence of my sharing and not to paint a picture of how bad i am and no one should relate with me because of my struggles.    Very few people would want to be as real as i am, but God knows why he allowed me to be the way i am so that he can use me for his Glory.  The biggest thing i have struggled with since i was a small child has been REJECTION.  And until the Lord revealed to me why i get all these rejections (because i do not know how to hide my problems and weakness and thus many people judge me).  One time i cried to Him and asked him why i am always rejected and i understood so many things about me that were beyond my control contributed and he comforted me by making me understand that even him who is God has been rejected.  So who tells me i will be loved especially when God wants to use me?  When i read from the Word of God, people like David, Joseph, Mary, Moses, Caleb, Abraham, Jacob, Isaac and the rest did not have a bed of roses in their journey of their call.   They went through fire and God took them through until they fulfilled their purpose on what God had called them to do.  What is so different from me who is being used of God to be a World Changer through my pain, joy, weaknesses, strengths and so on and forth?  No one will love me and the few that God will put my way, who love me for who i am, will support me to the very end  because God ordained them to love me just the way i am and to me, that is a miracle!  Halleluyah.  (Credit goes first to  my children and my family who have always loved me for who i am and a few friends).

If you are waiting to be loved when you are real and say things the way they are, my friend, you will have no friends.  But what the Lord is telling you and me who has this personality, is that, be strong and courageous.  Not all will admire you for who you are, because most of the time they will see you as a threat, competitor, you do not deserve, who are you, who do you think you are and so on.  

So, love yourself for who you are, because even those who criticize you negatively crave to be who or what you are but they can not.  If someone really loves you, they should come openly and tell or teach you to be another better personality they think is the best.  Unfortunately, no personality is better than the other because they are all meant to compliment us and make us all to be world changers.  No one can change who God created you to be and people will always try to pin you down,  shut you up and make you feel so stupid and yet you are supposed to be who God created you to be.   It is not wrong to be who you are, but it is good to take positive criticism because they will make you a better person and a positive world changer. 

When i talk that boldly and fearlessly about criticism, i do not mean all criticism is wrong, what i want to say today here before the year ends is, can we be calculative when we want to criticize others in a godly way. Not in a way that you make one feel so intimidated and full of good for nothing feelings.  There is a way you can tell someone in correction in a positive way and not a way that looks so judgmental.     

Those two ladies who have called me aside and told me Rose we do not like the way you talk, have  hurt me because they have never taught me how to talk good or help me to be like them who are good when they talk.  I know they wish good for me and they would want me to express myself in a different way, but why would they explode a bomb to me and leave the bomb shells with me and i wonder will the bomb shells really help me to get the change they want from me?  I guess the best way to help me is to introduce me to a counselor who will be able to handle me in a professional way because i have never been counseled in my life time.

Unfortunately, they leave it at that and i wonder where will i get a class that will help me know how to talk and express myself in a better way.  The fact that i am always left to feel so silly for whom i am and good for nothing as i feel so much judged, makes feel bad and  I can't advocate to anyone.  If i have to criticize someone, i will say the facts and how to help the person and not just gossip and talk to others about them and not help them.   I know we all have issues but pinning others down because of a weakness or weaknesses they have, instead of helping them, kills me and i can never agree with that.  Take it from me.   

Usually i take the criticism so positive and pray to be what they always want me to be.  But it is not that easy as you do not know what is people's expectation and most of the time i have kept quiet or avoid them who criticize me  and that has not helped me so much, until i take it to the Lord in prayer, that is when he has given me the best solution than keeping quiet and running away from the reality.     I heard someone say the other day,  'Rose nowadays does not talk much' and i love it that way because that is what people want from me.    But I wish they visited my Facebook page and know where i take my talks.  I always feel free talking there through my writing than telling anyone anything because i do not know how people will take it.  To me, that is the safest place for me or this blog to express myself and get relieved.   No one talks back to me, as they keep everything to themselves and that is a good thing.  In the process, i am able to say exactly what i wanted to say and help those i wanted to help and for the angels, they can wait for me in Hell, but they will be shocked the way tables will be turned.  I will be in Heaven and not the Hell they have always thought i will be and they will wonder and ask God, 'What happened, we thought we lived a better life than Rose.  We were holier than thou God, what exactly is this that you are doing?' On the other hand, i will be celebrating with my Lord because i will have done my work according to the purpose he created me for and i will take my position as a good faithful servant. I am not trying to judge here or show the world how holy i am, but i want us to look deep down at our hearts before we criticize others and pin them down negatively.  

I am not blowing my own whistle about what will happen in Heaven because God knows, but i just put a picture to help us know, not what we think will really happen as we know from the word, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him".  We should therefore, leave God to be the the judge; and  love and bear one another in both good and the bad but purpose to correct the bad in a good way not in a way of tearing one another.     

As we go to 2016 let us work on ourselves.  I have come to realize we have worked on others too much and forgot the whole problem is not others but us.  Why don't you just take a moment and just look at yourself and ask God to forgive you where you hurt others through your words, behaviors, dressing, handling others, conflicts and others.  That of course will start with me.  I have pinched myself that, when i talk to anyone henceforth,  i will be very careful, but when i want to correct an anomaly, i promise, i will not sugar coat it, but say it as it is.  I know i will not be loved anyway, but i will bring that positive change that i intended to bring.   I do not care how much i will be rejected but how much i will help and bring a positive change around me.  That is me. 

As i close the year 2015.  I beg you all please, if i have offended you, hurt you, said anything that you did not agree with, please forgive me from the bottom of my heart. If there is a way you can help me to be a different person, i am ready to change but you have to do it in a godly way so that you do not hurt me too. 

God bless you as you continue enjoying the Christmas season. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2016!

I HAVE CRIED… YES I HAVE

Crying is normal to all human beings especially when they want to express their inner feelings that none can understand, but can only be seen through the cry whether loud or with tear drops.   As I have said, I have cried many times and today I cried like a baby. Why did I cry?  I did not really fathom the pain and bitterness that was piling up inside my heart until a colleague did something that triggered my cry.  Everyone in the office was so shocked that such a woman can sit down and cry her heart out without feeling any shame like a baby.   (What a shame, but do I care?) 

Most of the time we are told not to cry in front of people because it portrays a very bad picture and people will look down upon us.    I will totally disapprove and say, that is not me.  If I am pressed down and made breathless I will cry my heart out to release what is inside me.  That has really helped me so much because when I look at the things I go through, if I carried all that baggage, one day I would explode and I do not think it will be a good thing for me.  The best thing for me is to release all what is inside me, when it is triggered so that I am set free.   I am saying when it is triggered because, most of the time we do not understand the things that pile inside our hearts,  as when people look at us, think things are fine with us, whereas in the real sense we are hurting so much deep inside us.  But when something triggers the hurts to come out, my friend, that is when you realize what mountain you were carrying inside you, that you could not fathom it was, until the trigger triggers it and you explode. 

Of course the crying moments are not my best moments in terms of what people will think about me, but they are my release moments that set me free and show whom I really are, as that time, I am as good as naked and that is what many people will not want any person to know about them, that is, their weakest point.  That is when people understand that I have been going through so much pain but I have been keeping it to myself.  That is the time I pour out my heart and say exactly what is paining me and people understand the root cause of my cry and the pain coming out of my cry as I say it then.  Of course there are those that will be disappointed with my cry because, they are the cause of my cry and that is a sign of setting them up, and there are those that really feel me because they were going through the same pain but they had nothing to do but to keep it to themselves and never cry.  Happy are those around me, in my shoes, because a crybaby will make their pain be known and they will be met at their very point of their need, as they sail the same boat with me, and the issue will be handled amicably and the story afterwards will be, ‘If it was not for Rose’s cry, we would never have been helped’.  Sometimes it is good to cry out your heart and save the many people around you who are in pain and yet they cannot express themselves.    When I say people to cry, I am not meaning people to be crying here and there like crybabies.   No!  What I mean here is that when you have to, cry it out as it is a therapy that sets you and others free.   

It is important to note that, to be a world changer you have to be radical and a don’t care person (not in terms of wrongs/negative).  But in terms of bringing positive change that not many embrace because, those who do extraordinary things usually, they are extra ordinary and fearless in the way they think and do their things.  When they succeed, that is when everyone wants to be associated with them.  This is because when you listen to the many voices that surround you; you will never do what your inner person tells you because that is where your strength sits. 

Let me give a very good example.  When one of our own Kenyan son, Julius Yego (Javelin World Champion  - 2015), won his Gold and title, everyone especially us Kenyans we were so excited and celebrated him so much and took the Kenyan glory as he is part of our family.  But to tell you the truth, in the past years, months and days, we were the same people who were finding him very ridiculous and wondered how on earth someone can train through YouTube?  To us, that was madness of the highest order.  I can imagine those who were nearer him were telling him to stop being a fool.  Unfortunately, Yego did not listen to those negative words but relied on his innate strength that lead him to those who were seeing something that was positive in his ability; and those people are the ones who supported him all through to his success; and I am giving credit to his trainer on YouTube who saw the interest, talent and victory in this young man’s life.  I am proud of you, Julius Yego! Yes I do, because you make me not give up on what I want to pursue but you give me so much hope when there is no hope. I even over heard someone comment about him and said, for him to be listed to go and play, one said, “this crazy guy thinks he will make it, but let us just give him a chance and see if he will make it really”.  That was his starting point as he continued to prove to the world he was not a mad person but knew what was inside himself that needed to come out.  That gives me so much hope that nothing is impossible with God. When given a chance, you can all do exploits that you can’t think of or imagine. 

God’s time is always the best time and I know the tears you cry out just because someone has made you cry, or the hardships and struggles that you are going through have weighed you down,  those tears, will be wiped away by God, do not give up.  Julius Yego, I guess in his closet cried to his God and God heard his cries and today he is a World Record Champion in Javelin.  What am I talking about?  It will cost you a cry, for you to reach your destiny. Can you cry the more and do exactly what you ought to do.  You better cry a million times to succeed than to corrupt to succeed.  You might not cry when you are corrupt to succeed but the day you will be paying the price you will cry your heart out, unfortunately that time you will be crying out paying the price and that will not be the best thing.

Today I am at peace and all what was inside me eroded away when I cried out.  What I mean, the pain has not gone away, but now I can sit, eat and do many other things without thinking about it and I have left it to God so that he can fight it for me.  He has done that in the past and I have come out victorious and most of the time I forget that I went through some pain.  When they come back, I am reminded that the battle is not mine but the Lords and the more I meet the challenges ahead of me, God is making me a stronger person in me day by day and I am very sure tomorrow I will not be the same person.

Of course I will not cry about the same thing, but I will encourage someone else who will be going through what I have gone through and give her or him hope, that all is not lost and crying is not a crime but a way of expressing our pain and disappointment.  Have you cried in the recent past or crying as you are reading this.  Do not give up.  Help is on your way.  Be positive, think positive and take things lightly.  You may wish to cry your heart out, not necessarily like me in front of people but even in that closet of yours where no one is seeing you but God.  He will answer your cry and restore for you all what you have lost.  Just believe and trust in Him that he is able to fight the battles for you.  Be encouraged as I encourage myself. 

God bless you so much and keep you.