TO YOU VOCAL OUT THERE, DO NOT SHUT UP UNTIL YOU ARE HEARD!

In the recent past, I have been analyzing my personality and I have always wondered why God created me like this.  To be precise, let me hit the nail on the head and say I am a sanguine.  Oh!   Yes I am.  I am not regretting to be created one because of late am loving my personality that I used to hate in the past for some reasons that are common to many sanguine.  We hate criticism and we love to be heard and our problems solved there and then. 

Let me go slightly deeper so that you understand me and where I am coming from with my personality.  If you are like me, then I am speaking to you personally and I want to just share with you my sentiments in relation to our personality. 

Usually I am more naturally active, expressive, social and interested in many things.  When I say I am naturally active, I mean usually I hate being idle and you will always find me doing something, I like expressing myself so much in a very detailed manner and I want you to feel me fully. I am social and I have no problem talking to a stranger.  Actually you will find me sharing very deep things to a stranger and I am not ashamed nor do I even ask whether that person finds me crazy or not.  As long as the person is ready to listen to me, ohh yes!!!! You will read me like a book because I will tell all what is in my heart in a deep way without fear to be judged or taken negatively because what I want is to release it and I will pour it out to you.  Usually I am interested in many things and when I try whatever it is, that is when I will make my conclusion about whatever in a positive or negative way (what i mean is that after I have an experience first then make my judgement).  I guess you understand me by now in relation to where I direct my energy. 

Usually I am practical and literal.  I am usually real and I do not deal with anything that is on assumptions.  I am very literal because I am usually honest and truthful.  When you lie to me or try to manipulate me I feel very frustrated and that does not arguer very well with me because I can be a drama queen to some extent.  I know I have a common sense because of my sensitivity I try to use my common sense so much.  I do not need to be explained if I pinch you what you will feel.  I already know and that is why I try to avoid hurting you and prefer you hurt me instead.  Now getting me?  Let us go on.  There is a reason why I am trying to express myself because most of the time people do not understand me.  And usually they think I do not know myself. I thank God for education and reading wide makes you understand who exactly you are and how you can relate with others even in your good or worse personality.  The fact here is that you can’t change who you are, but you can change how to handle issues and people by understanding who exactly you are.  I have been struggling in the past to try and understand why people behave the way they do towards me when I relate with them and today it is not an issue because that is how everyone will take me because that is what they see about me.  But when they stay with me they appreciate who exactly I am just because they accommodated me as I am.  And if you are not ready to accommodate me, then you will just live with your judgment as you perceive and I can’t change that. 

Most of the time I am very sensitive in the sense that I am always suspecting anyone who comes my way especially when you try to be good to  me.  You have to prove to me that you are genuine and my sensitivity enables me to judge exactly who you are and by my reaction I will know who I am dealing with and that enables me to trend carefully knowing  that I do not want to be hurt or hurt the other one.  Though the latter is always my best option so that I do not go feeling guilty and the stuff. I want you to carry your load and I will always allow you to offend me and not me offending you.  I am really empathetic.  I always feel people and I always wish I had all the monies in this world I take care of all the needy and the sick.  I like helping and feeling others and that is my hobby because it helps me reach out to everyone who I think needs help.  This also helps me fight for the others rights and also mine in a very strong way, I know I love facts and when you explain to me with facts exactly what you are going through I know I can go out of  my way and help where possible and I do not judge at all.  I will judge when I see things that do not conform to what you are preaching or trying to portray.   I love peace and I hate crossing anyone’s boundaries and when I cross and hurt anyone I am ready to ask for forgiveness and I am always praying that you will accept my forgiveness and we continue from where we left without grudges.  So far, anyone feeling me?  Let me go on.  I tend to be very flexible and I can just change a course even in the middle of a project and that will never hurt me as long as I will achieve my goal.  For example, I will trust you in the first place, but when I realize you are not trust worthy I will deny you all the rights and I will not care what you have profited me with and I can sacrifice and loose everything and start all over again as long as you will not keep your promise.  I do not know if I have been understood there.  I mean I am one person who can just change drastically and you wonder if I am the same humble character because I can become wild in a click of a second and you will be shocked on how I have changed just depending on the level of humiliation or hurt.  I am very curious and I do not believe in cheap or free things.  I want to know facts why would you want to do abcd to me and I have not worked for it.  I want to know what is your motive before anything and thus I have to scrutinize you without your knowledge and I will get you.  I am usually not conforming and thus it is not easy to understand me unless you stay close with me.  The people who can really get this point are my children because they know exactly who I am.  Most of the time I am mysterious and strange but my children understand me so well and that is why they tell me I am their best mother ever and they can never trade me with any other mother. Ohhhhhh!  (I love that remark because besides my Father in heaven who loves me just the way I am, there are two angels I live with that love me that much and they are my two sons Collins and Calvin)    That (nonconforming) enables me to be complicated and not easy to understand as much as I talk my heart out.  Because I can tell you this and the next minute I will tell you something totally different. That is me.  No wonder I did a personality test somewhere and I was told, out of one thousand people I has my personality and that now makes me understand I do not need to worry when I am in a group of less than 1000 people because on a very rare occasion no one will react like me or be like me.  That makes me love myself very much and I know God created me for a reason to have such a personality.  I understand in USA people with my personality are 4 to 9%.  Do not worry where I got all these, but internet will give you so many answers to some things you would never have known and that is why it is good to be technologically up to date because you will learn so much from the net.  I guess now you have a hint of what kind of a person I am.  I might not really say per say who I am here but at least I have put a cross my rough imagine of who exactly I am. 

The statement that “TO YOU VOCAL WOMAN OUT THERE, DO NOT SHUT UP UNTIL YOU ARE HEARD!” I was speaking to myself because I have realized most of the time when I interact with people, I am shunned, rejected, pinned down, and the list is endless. When I express myself it even becomes crazy because people tend to think I am crazy.  Usually I am not crazy I am just who God created me to be in expressing myself.  That is why I will always fight for those who are looked down upon because I am their voice.  Today I am glad that I am called a child of God because I can easily tell you the love of Christ and you will agree or disagree but I will have told you what the Lord has told me whether you like it or not.  Most of the time when I keep quite and I am humiliated, when I talk or be the real me you will be shocked what I will say and by this time I am pinned to a corner and I feel I can’t wait but express myself until I am heard.  What am I talking about?  My friend it does not matter who you are.  You might not have my personality but can you respect who you are and love yourself. If you need to scream aloud can you scream aloud they hear you?  That is what they what to hear, you scream so that they can listen.  No one should shut you down and when your energy goes down, then calm down and even when you see no one is ready to hear you, just for your sake keep quiet and listen to yourself and hearken to what you hear yourself telling you.  No one should shut you up if you have to be loud to be heard. 

I am saying this because I had to talk it out in a situation that I was really put down upon in my place of work and today I am eating the fruit of talking it out using the wisdom of God.  Even if I scream God has taught me how to scream in a very soft way that now they have to sit and listen to me.  Remember, I have said WISDOM because sometimes you will forget and be yourself and that will not be a good thing.  But when you use WISDOM even in that ugly scenario of looking crazy while expressing yourself, they will listen to you.  I do not need to scream aloud and cause drama, but use the wisdom of God even in my screaming and that has worked for me. 

I do not know if I have encouraged anyone, but I felt like putting down this for myself and those who feel me will keep me going and it is good to LOVE WHO GOD HAS CREATED YOU TO BE.  HE HAD A PURPOSE TO CREATE YOU THAT WAY.  PURPOSE TO LIVE FOR HIM AND FIND YOUR PURPOSE TO SERVE HIM WITH YOUR PERSONALITY!

Let me leave you with this. You can express yourself just the way you are through Christ who created and knows you because he is usually your strength.  If you fight with your strength it will be really hard.  But if you put Jesus number one, he will make you do anything that you want and everyone will listen to you even those who are not ready to listen to you.  And even if everyone refuses to listen to you, JESUS is there listening to you.  Just speak to him day in day out and he will be your answer!

God bless you and have a wonderful time.     

I THOUGHT I AM BORN AGAIN!

Have you ever done something and asked if you are really saved?  Most of the time when we lie or may be try to cover up something that we know is not really right or you have used that fake receipt to claim or reimburse for an imprest and you know it is a lie (done this severally just to be on point with my little petty cash) and so on and so forth. You can fill the list for me.  Do you realize all these are sins whether small or big? 

Today when I was coming to the office I met a friend we were working with one time and I asked him about someone we were working with who really frustrated me for no apparent reason.  And I wanted to know how they are fairing and the friend told me they are doing well, actually they are placed in a very good office.  I felt bad.  I said, no!!! This person should be taught a lesson for once.  They really mistreated me and they ought to pay a price at least so that I can feel yes!  They got it.  Anyone feeling me? If you said yes, I thought you are saved too?...Lolest!  Anyway, my point is this, most of the time we do not wish those who hurt well.  In one way or the other we find ourselves really wishing them bad and that is not good.  That is a sin!  As I was walking to the office I started telling God to forgive me because that is  not of God.  The Bible tells us to forgive one another.  Because in the cause of our friendship, we might hurt one another and we need to forgive one another.   

(Matthew 6:14) For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins

I thank God as I continue having a fellowship with him, He is really pinpointing my flaws and making me understand they do not please him at all and I should change and be more like him.  Very true most of our sins is hidden it’s only God who knows them.  But I am happy that when we know we have sinned we can go back to him and confess our sins and he will forgive us. Glory be to Jesus!            (1^st John 1:9-10) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

He knows everything about me even that lie that I will lie tomorrow and the days to come.  But his love for me is so great and it’s not about me, but about him who died for me and was made a sin so that I may live and have life and have it more abundantly.  (2^nd Corinthians 5:21)  God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  So I am free and free indeed and I should enjoy life because that is what he has called for me as I serve him and wait upon him. (John 10:10) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full

As for me I am praying that the Lord forgives me and I forgive this friend of mine that I thought I never had any issue with.  I now know there is something between her and me that I need to sought out with my Father in Heaven and even with her when one day I will meet her.  I am praying that God will give me courage to tell her what I have always felt in my spirit in relation to her and me.  I know it will not be easy, but I am asking my Father in heaven to give me wisdom on how to handle the matter and also wish her well.  Look at it this way, even as much as I had a grudge with her, God is still blessing her and lifting her.   I will just be left there in my pain and unforgiving heart and her she is moving on.  How does that feel, that your enemy is doing good?  It feels bad.  But what does God say?  Do you hate on them or love them.  Love your neighbor as your love yourself.  That is what he tells me.  Who is your neighbour? Only those those are good at you?  No!  It is everyone whom you have a personal relationship whether at home, church, work place, social media and other places that we meet and make fellowship. 

Ok.. I have criticized myself here so much because of that one issue, do I really have a good testimony.  I will confess and say yes.  There is a friend in the office that I relate with very funnily.  When I reported to this Department, I was told she is not a good lady, and I said I will check on her and see if truly this person is that bad as people are saying.  I kept on watching her and truly I noticed that she is not a very good lady.  But on the other hand I realized she is also a very good person I think it’s just the way she looks at herself and makes her look inferior but she is a strong person.  I decided to create some rapport with her after we crossed so badly and showed her my other bad side.  (You mean Rose you have a bad side?)  I will say yes I have.  Everybody has the way they express themselves when they are pushed to a corner and that time I always say Jesus is not there because it is our real self that shows up.   I tell you we all react differently.  I am not trying to say that bad side is good, but we are all working on it because, no one is perfect.  But we are made perfect in Christ Jesus and that is why everyday, we need him to help us.  In some cases we win the battle some other times we fall.  And it is in our falling that the Lord ministers to us by correcting, rebukes and make us whole.   Amen!  Glory be to Jesus. 

Back to my story, this lady of late we have become very good friends and now I have realized what she needs from me.  More appreciation, loving her more than before, empowering her and lifting her spirits, making her feel she is of value and not being undermined.  This experience has taught me so much that we always create bad relationships with those we interact with, because we refuse to know exactly who they are and what they need from us because God has a reason to make you have a relationship with that person whether its just a partial friend, workmate, relative and so on.  I have realized that instead of creating enemy with anybody, I seek for peace with everyone and I know I will have strong friendship with my friends, family members, neighbours and even social media friends. 

My prayer today is that the Lord will help me point out my mistakes every day and I work on them because I want to be more like him.  And it’s after I seek after him that he will come for me and make use of me.  In the recent past the Lord has really been using me and I am really glad because before I was a very idle person.  Complaining about my work place, how people do not like me, the way I am bored and so on and forth.  But I came to realize when you start having a fellowship with Christ; he will make you a busy person doing his work as you do yours.  He will always occupy you with the work that he has created you for and you will enjoy yourself whether in plenty or lack, whether you are loved or hated, whether you are at your best or your worst!  God is so faithful and he needs us to seek him more, love him with all our hearts and I tell you friend, you will not regret. 

Try God and give your life to him and you will never be the same again.  I decided to walk with him closely and I tell you the truth, there is no other friend who is closer than a brother than Jesus.  He is my best friend and I can’t trade him with anything (Proverbs 18:24) One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  My prayer is  that he keeps me in his Kingdom and open for me many doors to serve him and share of His Good News to all and celebrate his victories because HE IS A MIGHTY GOD! 

Be encouraged and God bless you so much.  Amen!

IF THEY KNEW THE GOD YOU SERVE

Oh yes, I was looking for a title to my article today and I could not find one.   I have wanted to put a point cross but did not know how to put it.  All the same, yesterday night I had a dream that has prompted me to express what I feel I should share with you my friend.  It was a very weird dream because I have never sat down and thought about this person I dreamt with.  Most of the time when I dream, there are some dreams I brush off, but there are others that I do not brush off, but want the Lord to tell me what exactly did he mean with that dream because it looked funny and weird but I know he is telling me something.  

I will share about my dream and I will ask you not to judge me but take the dream as you hear it and do not make a fuss out of it because to me, it is a serious dream and I am very serious as I write it because I am writing it down now so that when the Lord tells me what he really means with it, I will come back and share it again here on this platform because this is not a dream that I take lightly. 

I was dreaming with the President of Republic of Kenya, His Excellency Uhuru Kenyatta.  He had come to visit me in my house.  When he came, he did not come to me as the President of Kenya, but he came just like a kawaida person (not as the president but an ordinary person).   He did not come to me with the motorcade and the security as he normally does in real scenario as a President.  But he shocked me that he came to visit me and the concern he had for me.  I was very excited that he came to visit me, but he was not comfortable with the way I was living.  My life was down.  My house was tinny and was not conducive for me and even to him in his caliber but he put it very politely and asked me if I can get a bigger house of 15,000/= at Uthiru!  Then I looked at him and asked him, at Uthiru!  Then he told me,  yes Uthiru!  I do not know how that conversation ended, and we started watching an album and I had his pictures when he was young.  He told me he loves his baby pictures because they make him remember many things in his childhood.   I told him I too love my baby picture that I love and showed him.  Then after that, I do  not know what  happened but I was left  very excited that the president came to visit me and not any other person in that level.  I may not exactly tell the dream per say, but I remember two people I was talking to in my dream, that now people will know me and will stop joking with me because they know who I relate with!  Lol!  Let me not go there but just look at what I really valued in this episode that I had that fellowship with him.  Just that!  It may look awkward and crazy if that is what I would need from a President.  I was not even offended that he could recommend me for a house of 15,000/=, and just leave me without even giving me a fortune.  This is the President of the country I mean.  He should have done something for me at least!  Anyway, let me not go there but I do not know why he did not give me anything of value.  In real sence, would I really want to have someone of that caliber and would give me nothing?  Definitely no!  But my God that I serve is a mighty God.  He tells me I ask him for anything I want and he will give me.  I may have expected a lot in my dream but fellowship sometimes can be of value than any other thing in this world. That goes together with friendship!

Well, I have shared my dream.  But I am yet to know what the Lord is telling me about it because to me, it is a deep dream.  Why Uhuru Kenyatta?  Well, I admire him so much and I pray for him.  He is my President.  But why dream with him.  Why would he be at my level and share with me his beginnings and make me his friend.  It amazes me.  In a natural way, I have my personal interpretation that I am not going to put down here because that is my personal life interpretation, but I would want to relate it to my spiritual life.  I have been battling to make people understand who I am, why I am who I am, why I behave the way I do and so on.  But it has become futile.  I have worked for a long time to make people understand me but it is hard to make people understand you.  It is only God who knows who you are and what purpose he has created you for.  Do not worry about what people think about you.  You are you and God created you just the way you are for his Kingdom.  He has a reason to make you that talkative and very emotional like me for a reason.   I have come to realize I am very different from many people and one time I did a profile to know about my personality and I was told my people type (those with the same personality as mine) are one out of a thousand people.  I used to blame why I was created the way I am because most of the time people do not understand me.  But now, I understand why God created me the way he did and I am following my purpose so that I may enjoy the fruit of my personality in the Kingdom.  In the morning when I woke up, I found myself singing this song by Israel Houghton from my heart  “I am  not going back, I am moving ahead, Here to declare to you, my past is over, in you all things are made new, Surrendered  my life to Christ, I am moving, moving forward”.  And I remember I continued singing it even when I woke up.  But I will confess to you that, you can only sing such a song when you are walking with your Lord and you are ready to be used of him.    I am so excited to know that I can brag around and say the God that I serve, is a Mighty God!  I may have wanted to relate with the President in whatever relationship, but that relationship can never reach the relationship that I have in Christ.   

He is my true friend.  He is my Healer, He is my deliverer, He is my all in all.  Lord I love you.  I thank you that you restored me to you.  I am enjoying the fruits of being in you daily and I can’t lie, I won’t trade you this time with anything.   You alone you are my God and my everything.  I can’t really explain what I am feeling inside my heart because it is awesome.  He has been very faithful to me.  He has healed me two depressions in a year.  He has restored and healed me deep.  And I give all the glory to my Father in Heaven.  The devil thought he got me and wanted to tear me up.  But I am here to confess that the Lord held me up and made sure I am not dead. (He has always told me He will never leave me nor forsake me) Joshua 1:5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Two major scenarios that were directed to kill me but the Lord saved me and I give him all the glory and honour.  He is my Good God.  No one can be compared to him.  He alone can heal, restore, forgive, love, mend, and many many many other things but let me tell you my friend, He can only do that if you proclaim him as your personal savior.  Have a personal relationship with him and he will never let you down.  Just come to him the way you are!  It does not matter what you have done or where you are, just surrender to him and you will be amazed.  I had no joy and peace some months ago.  I never enjoyed anything.   But I cried to the Lord and asked him to forgive me and heal me.  Today I am enjoying my fellowship with him and he has given me peace and joy.  Had I not surrendered to him I do not know where I would have been and if I would have made it in my storms.   

Do not wonder how this relates to my dream.  I will say most of the time we want to be associated with very powerful people so that we can be seen how powerful we are.  We forget that the human power will fade away.  The person that you can relate to and you can never go wrong with is the Son of God Jesus Christ.  This is the God that I serve.  Today I will not work hard to make anyone understand the God that I am serving.  No!  I have surrendered my life to him and I have given him all.  Watch this space because I do not need to tell you the God that I serve.  You will just know in a short while that I serve a Mighty God who calls me his Child and I am not ashamed to be called the Child of the Most High God.  Because I know He is my God!

Which God do you serve?  Who is behind your Joy and everything that pertains to you?  Can you just have a moment and reflect the God that makes you wake up every morning and go to that office, the God that has given you peace, the money you have talked about that makes you happy, that family that you love so dearly, the lovely car and so on and forth!

I want to tell you that Jesus loves you so much.  Just give him that space and he will guide you.  I do not mean when you come to him you will not have any trouble.  No.  I am just encouraging you because I have been there wanting recognition, love, and the rest and no one seem to understand me.  But he knows me.  He knows your name, he knows everything about you.  He sees each tear that falls and he hears you when call.  

God bless you and be encouraged that you serve a mighty God!