Fellowship with God

Sometimes i wonder whether what i do is wrong or right.  And it has come to me that whether i do anything right or wrong it does not matter i will always handle it as myself as whom God has created me to be.  Sometimes we do things and we are wrong and sometimes we do things and we are right.  The word of God is our guide to know what is good and wrong at the Lord expects us to interpret it and it is usually in Spirit and Truth.

Well, i have learnt to go back to the Lord when i have done something and i strongly feel this is wrong and also gone to the Lord when i have done something right but no one seems to understand me. 

I thank the Holy Spirit because if one walks in the Spirit and in the Truth, the Lord will always speak to him/her straight away.  I would like to share something that the Lord spoke to me when i was in such a situation.  But before i speak about it i want to give an illustration first so that one can get me clearly. 

There are these two beautiful girls who are very lovely.   Both of them are not married and they are walking with the Lord as they continue seeking the Lord to give them right spouses as they serve and fellowship with other brethrens. But one of these girls does not know what is idolatry, fornication, gossip, lying, drinking, smoking and others sins name them.  She comes from the family that the father is born again and the mother the same.  She is a very clean girl as  many would put it and say she is good and very faithful in the things of God because when you tell her about  some sins she will wonder, does such a thing happen?  And this is because she has never experienced such.  Anyway the Lord helps her as she continues to walk with Him and she gets married to this handsome man of God who is so sweet and this girl loves him so much and she marvels in the Lord and she is married ever after. (Every woman loves to be in this category coz I know there are many out there).  I thank God for such ladies because they make me understand that, there is still hope for the lost girls also out there and even those who are still waiting upon the Lord and time is really ticking. 
  

Now, there is this other girl who is born in a family that the father is a drunkard, she has never seen fatherly love, she has fornicated, drank beer, gone with the wrong groups of people and fallen.  But she knows the Lord but she is always up and down up and down in sins.  But the Grace of God is so sufficient and the Lord keeps her all through.  But though she has stumbled many times the Lord knows her so much that no one else can tell of her story but the Lord who has been walking with her and keeping her even in her failings.

I want to speak about this second girl.   The Bible tells me that Jesus came to this world to save the lost and the poor.  I really love the word of God because the word of God is life.   If Jesus came for such as the first girl who is holy and sinless as one may say, then, no one in this world would see God.  Because the Bible reminds me in 1^st Peter 3:18 (For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit). It also reminds me in Romans 3:23 (For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God) He came for someone like me who is a sinner and that is why, it is the Grace that is keeping me. 2^nd Corinthians 12:19 (And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  The same Bible tells me clearly that i must work out my salvation Philippians 2:12 (Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling) and work it out with fear and trembling.  I know i have weaknesses that i have to work on so that i may see my God.  But my question is, will anyone work for me so that I see God or see my weaknesses.  No.  I have to search myself and say true this is wrong and i really have to work out my salvation.  As i talk am made perfect by Christ and not myself.  When I sin the Bible tells me in 1^st John 1:9 ( If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness) so the Lord has given me a promise that even when I fall short of his glory I have an opportunity to repent and continue with a fellowship with Him.   It is my prayer that the Lord will deliver me fully from all my shortcomings because i have many but the Lord is dealing with them one by one as I continue to surrender to Him.  So, this second girl makes me wonder, if God knows her heart, and knows how she loves Him this much and yet He lets her suffer like this, what is God upto?  That is a query many would ask.  But the Lord has spoken to me many times that everyone suffers what they suffer because the Lord wants to use them mightily.  The second girl has gone through all what she has gone through not because the Lord hates her.  No!  God chose her to suffer all that for His sake and that He may use her for His Glory and through her experience that many will come to know Christ and will see the Love of God through her testimony. 

Just to encourage you, in whatever you are going through, the Lord knows exactly that.  In Psalms 139:1-6 says (O Lord, you have searched me and you know me, You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely. O Lord, you hem me in behind and before, you have laid your hand upon me, such knowledge is too wonderful for me too lofty for me to attain). 

Let us have a personal relationship with God.  Our God is Powerful, knowing and loving.  If we can look at God in these three Categories we will understand who is God in our life.  Sometimes, I look at my life and the many years I have confessed I know God and the walk that I have walked, and I have realized I know little about God and the things I learn about him I realized it is way far than the mind of God can you really fathom God and His ways really?  It is not easy because the Bible tells us that our God in Isaiah 40:28 (Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom).

Let us search our hearts and seek God with all our heart and we shall find him.  Do not judge anyone but seek to know God in a personal way.  Do not look at others and compare yourself with them. God has a reason to create you just the way you are and you pass through waters because He has purposed you to go that way for his glory.   Remember God has a good purpose in your life and it does not matter how people will take you but he knows the purpose that He has created you for.  Seek to know the purpose God has for you.  Do not say you do not know, you have to seek for it and acknowledge that surely God has created me for this purpose and take control of what God has bestowed you with because that is your blessing.  Am not talking like this because I have exhausted mine.  No!  Am searching mine and I know I will.  Already I have some purposes in my life and I do not complain as I used to but thank God for placing me where he has placed me and now I know why he placed me where I am and gone through what I have gone through as much as it has not being a smooth journey.

Let us encourage each other and have a relationship with God 1^st John 3:1-6 (How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  If you see people to understand you, you will toil for long.  Seek to please and love God because He is the one you called you and knows you!   Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known.  But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. Everyone who sins breaks the law: in fact, sin is lawlessness.  But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins.  And in him is no sin.  No one who lives in him keeps on sinning, No-one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him

Deliverance

Lord thank you for saving me the worst!

On 17^th February 2011 was a day that always linger my mind when I remember about it.  I could not even write down what happened exactly after that incidence and now it has taken me like four months to write down what had happened on the material day.  Have you ever thought that you can kill a person!  To me, it has never occurred that I can kill someone until on that day when a worse thing happened to me and I nearly killed a person. 

Well, I know you are not in believe on what I am going to say and I know you are hoping that I did not abort since most of the time women we are known of killing by either aborting our children.  To me, this I have never experienced and I have never imagined myself aborting but I will say exactly what happened on this fateful day.

It was a midterm day for my son, and I had prepared throughout the day that am going to pick my son from school at around 3.00 p.m. since that was the time we were supposed to go and pick them from school.  It was a working day, and I decided to first work and then go later after 2.00 p.m to pick him.  But due to one two three things I was doing in the office I was late to leave at 2.00 p.m as expected and I left in some few minutes to 3.00 p.m.  I was hurrying up finalizing what I was doing in the office so that am not very late.  I had some letters I had to deliver first before I left for the day and I decided to pass through Sheria House to deliver the letters I had done from the office. 

I made it at Sheria House and dropped letters and I passed through some offices and said hi to a friend of mine we used to work with in the Ministry of Education.  As I said hi to him and his colleague and by the time I was leaving that office, time had really lapsed and I bid them bye after I explained to them that I really have to rush to go and pick my son from school. 

I left very fast and I thought since there was a big jam towards the direction I was heading, that day I tried and avoided all the jams using the skills I had by the matatu operators how they go maneuvering their way out in such scenarios and somehow, I made it from the Jam of town and I was now heading towards Westlands.  Usually there are some roads I do not use on a normal trip to my son’s school  but this day I used a road that passes through a school known as Oshwal in Westlands and I remember I was really trying to make my way fast so as not to be very late in picking the boy.  Unfortunately when we reached the gate of that school known as Oshwal, there were children who were being picked that particular time and I remember seeing a school bus parked outside the school and children were boarding it.  Others were playing beside the road and it was a normal school day and children were leaving for home.  In a flash of a second I saw a boy running across the road when I was just coming.  I was on speed 20 or 30 if am not wrong because what I know I was not on speed since there was a jam.  And this boy just crossed the road without checking whether there was a car coming and I was shocked because what I felt in a flash of a minute is that I hit the boy with my car bonnet and he fell on my left side and since I was still on motion I felt I have run over him because I felt like I jumped a pump and I could not believe I just hit that boy and run over him.  I was in terrified and shock. I stopped abruptly and run to check on the boy.  People who witness were just looking at me and no one said a word even the children who were playing around that area.  The children were just screaming the name of the boy and the passersby and other motorists were just looking at me to see what will happen. 

I tried calling people to come and help me and what I was hearing from other motorists is “mpeleke hospitali”.  Of course there is no way I would leave the boy there I  rushed to pick the boy but he was so heavy for me to lift him.  I called a man whom I saw very confused and he was trying to make a call.  Just to realize he was a driver to the school bus which  was coming to pick the children and was packed outside the school gate to pick them.  When he noticed the boy who was hit was a boy he knew he alighted from the bus and started calling the father to the boy.  He came towards me telling me am calling the father and I heard people screaming at him and telling him “wewe msaidie mpeleke mtoto hospitali” and that is when he came and held the boy on his legs side and I was holding his hands on the shoulders and I rushed him to MP Shah hospital. 

What I remember is I went on calling on the name of Jesus because I noticed the boy had a black out already.  He was not talking and he was a mhindi boy so he had started turning blue.  I was shocked to death and I could not believe I just killed someone’s son.  That could not sink in my mind and I went calling on the name of JESUS and screaming aloud.  This boy will not die in the name of Jesus.  Lord you know me I have never killed and I will never kill but this boy will not die because even in the first place I knew it was not my mistake it was his but I told God it does not matter whether it was my mistake or the boy’s mistake this boy  will live to tell of the Lord I serve and the prayer I made for his life that he will live. 

In a short time since the hospital was not very far it was like a kilometer from the scene of the accident I took the boy together with the driver and we took him in through the emergency door and he was taken in very fast and some nurses came running to see and act accordingly.  I thank God that the nurse that came was another Mhidi lady who told me madam stop crying just calm down we check on the boy.  We are sorry on what happened but we will check on him.  Stop panicking.  I could not stop praying this time round I was not shouting but in my heart I was really praying.  The boy had woken up and he was crying and asking for his father.   Luckily enough the driver was able to call the relatives and in a few minutes a relative came and they started talking to the boy together with the nurse. 

He was done all the tests and guess what to my surprise the boy had no broken bone. He had only bruises that were treated.   After realizing that all the tests were ok and nothing was wrong only that the boy was in shock the doctors said they will observe him for some time and by that time all the parents arrived.  Surprisingly no one was talking ill of me or blaming me they were very calm and they also assured me their boy will be ok because even me I had cried so much not believing what had happened.  By the Grace of God I was there for two hours and the boy was later released to go home.  I saw the hand of God that day and up-to date I give thanks because God saved me the worst because I could not have forgiven myself to kill someone.  That was a very big test for me but the Lord saw me through me.  When the Bible tells me I will not leave you, nor forsake you that is a very true promise bearing in mind how God came for me and saved the boy on my behalf.  I do not like imagining what would have happened if that boy did not make it to life but I thank God for He heard the cry of my heart and harkened to my It. 

I left the hospital after the boy and the relatives left and proceeded to my son’s school.  It was already dark but I had called his school Head and told her that I had an accident so he takes care of my son until I arrive.  When I reached the school I found my son so worried and he wondered what had happened because according to him that was the first encounter with me picking him beyond the expected hours after all the others were picked.   

I went to the head teacher’s office and I narrated the whole story and they were very sorry for me and he called my son and I took him home.  I could not go without telling my son what had happened and he was very terrified.  I told him so that he can understand that God really cares and he loves us as his children.  As his mother, things will happen to me but because I trust in God, He will always come to my rescue.  I wanted him to understand that most of the time the things that happen to us as human being God will always make a way out for us and as shocking as it was my son made a comment and said “Mum, God knew you had no intentions of killing that boy and he knows you love us as your children and there is no way that boy would have died.  He is just like me your son.” And to be honest I was really touched by my son’s comments that if a man can see my intention were clean, what about hour Father in Heaven.  He knows us.  He loves us and he really cares for us.  Even when the devil has planned things against us, those weapons he sets will never prosper God will always rescue you and me.

What did I learn out of this experience is that in all ways we give thanks to God trust in Him and His mercies.  I always thank God and praise God when I remember this incident because even when am on the road am more alert since anything can happen.  Am not saying a repeat of the same cannot happen but I told the devil I will not be a coward I will always walk in his goodness and pray for his protection and favour even when am on the road. 

Let me encourage you and tell you that God knows all your intentions and he cannot test you with what you cannot handle and he will always be there for you.  Glory be to my father in Heaven.  As I write this, it is now four months since the accident occurred and I have never heard any complaint as concerning the boy and I always thank God for that miracle of saving a life.  Lord I give you thanks.

Forgiveness

Sunday Morning encounter!

It was Sunday 17th May 2011.  I woke up in the morning and as usual I told my house help to prepare my children we go to church.  I was very excited to go to church because I love my Sunday Services and I can’t miss going to church whatsoever since I joined a church that I was invited by a friend for a visit and I have made it my home now and I do not regret. 

Well, my children got ready and we were set to go to church.  I love attending the second service because I will wake up at my own pace and not on a hurry and I will have all my time to get my children prepared and myself too. Usually the service starts at 12.00 p.m. and I always make it for church at around 11.00 a.m. I do not mind reaching that early coz I will get a good parking space near the gate so that I will come out faster because usually there is a of traffic problem on Sunday’s.  So, we were ready this particular Sunday and off we left for church whereby I took my children with me.    As I was driving I remembered I should say a short prayer in my heart while driving and I got a lot of peace and stamina to proceed to church.  I prayed that God gives us journey mercies as we drive to Church. 

Well, I took Mombasa road and usually I love using that road because it is smooth and it is a highway so I will not waste a lot of time on the road. Unfortunately, there is also a disadvantage about this road.  To go to my church you have to make a turn on the right that makes it very tough to change the lanes since I have to be on the first late from the fourth lane to make my left turn to my way to church.  I have used that route many times but this particular Sunday I had an encounter that made me cry like a baby.  There was a lady who was behind me and she had a big car.  As for me I was taking care of how am driving so that I take my lanes correctly and lead to my church.  But surprisingly this lady indicated to me that she wanted to overtake me on my right and I was very happy to take my other lane but surprisingly this lady was really upset about the way I was driving and I wondered why did she get mad about me because she overtook me creating a scenario that am not a smart driver.  I should style up when am driving.    

I took an offence on the way she reacted and I did not like it and she really hooted at me like a learner on the road and I got furious.  This lady came and overtook me and came right ahead of me and she was still indicating she wants to overtake.  Then I wondered, this woman thinks she is very clever than others look at the way she is even indicating wrongly yet she is taking the same route am taking.  I thought the best thing to do is to make her understand she also makes mistakes like others and she should respect everyone on the road.  So I made efforts of passing her and make her understand she is not fair.  She really shouted at me and acted like am really stupid and this still made me mad.  Anyway I thought aloud “Lord, I thought I prayed what happened here Oh!  My heavenly father?  Does it mean I did not pray well?”  Anyway I reached church and got right in, but something funny I realized the lady was following me to church.  I could not believe my eyes I said to myself you mean this lady was also coming to church like me?  Then I just can’t leave her I have to make her understand my point and we have to really make up if we are both children of God.  I stopped my car and I waited for her to come in.  She reached to where I was since I had even alighted from the car and I asked her “my dear what was wrong?  I was ahead of you and you are just screaming aloud on me and I could not understand what wrong I did to you?”  She shouted at me and told me “you are very slow driver.  You even stop on the highway what exactly do you think you were doing?  I indicated to you that I want to overtake you and you still dillydallied on the road” and she was on top of her voice.  To be honest I was not quiet too since I tried to interrupt her and make her understand I was changing lanes and I had to slow down to be able to get to my right lane.   I felt very humiliated and I stopped talking so that she can air her feelings and outburst.   To be honest this lady was tough and she overwhelmed me with her quarrel I thought I am tough when airing my views but I found an expert than me and she won.  What I remember doing was apologizing to her and telling her am very sorry and she could not take my apology.  I was really humiliated and I felt so bad.  She left me and she drove off ahead of me.  I went back to the car very hurt and regretting of the occurrence.   My children in the car were also hurt and very humiliated to a state where my 14 year old son started crying.  I was shocked and felt very bad. 

When I parked the car, I saw they also parked just a few meters ahead of me and I went saying surely how can I park even near her?  But I just proceeded I parked my car and I went on to the service.  Already my heart was broken and I was feeling like going back to the house and avoid the whole service.  But something else told me no.  Rose just go to church.  But because of the way I was hurt I could not take it.  I felt very silly, stupid, and sinful and this entire negative attitude came in my mind and I was terribly hurt. 

But I could not go to the service before talking it out.  I released my first born son to go to his Teen Service and I was left walking to mine.  But before I went in I saw a lady ahead of me and she had just packed her car I stopped her and talked to her and gave her the whole story.  She told me that the other lady was wrong but I should not make that a big deal since I was going to the service I should seek to forgive her because she is also sure that the other lady may be as hurt as I am or even has forgotten about the whole thing. I could not really take it but I cried like a baby.  After the crying I got my restoration and I went on to church but still very down.  That Sunday I could not even praise my God I just sat down held my baby and felt so down.  The lady sat in front of me and I could see she was as hurt as I was because she could not even praise too.  I regretted what happened and I wished we did not have such an encounter.  But still I asked God “but I thought I prayed Lord what is all these oh Lord.”  I tried even listening to my pastor preach and as much as I enjoy my Sunday services this time round I was not enjoying as much and I can’t even remember the sermon well as I usually do. 

The service ended and I could not forget this lady and I did not even want our eyes to meet.  But I kept on telling God to bring another way of meeting with her so that she can remember me and apologize because I felt she was on the wrong and she did not understand.  I also asked God to help me forgive her and clear this thing because I felt I could not take it.  Well, as we went out it was drizzling a bit and I did not have an umbrella so I ran so that am not rained on with my baby.  When I got in the car, I could not forget about the incident and I continued to pray in my heart that the Lord touches this lady and makes us friends but I could not see that coming since she was really mad with me and she was also a stranger.  But the Lord spoke to me that time that I needed to deal with a spirit of Pride!  I said pride.  Yes!  The spirit of God confirmed because what came in my mind is that, that lady was right in the way she was thinking and I was also right it is only that she could not listen to me and I could not listen to her.  The Lord was ministering to us through the incident that we have to deal with the spirit of pride.  

After a few minutes, I saw the lady coming ahead of me and she said.  “My dear, I have come to make peace with you and I realized that I was wrong and I was also dealing with an issue that I came with from my house.  Usually I do not attend the second service but the first service and I realized I was also getting late for the second service and you were wasting my time on the road.  I could not worship and praise today because of what has happened please forgive me my dear.  My name is Esther!”  After she told me that I started crying and I told her Esther, am also very sorry because I could also not pray nor praise because of what happened.  But just before you came the Lord was telling me that I need to deal with a spirit of pride and bitterness so that he can make use of me.  Am sorry this had to happen but am happy that he has made us friends too.  My name is Rose and I love the Lord and am happy that he has made us good friends from today.  I even came out of my car and introduced my children to her and she told me that she has grown up children and the one she was with was her brother whom I thought was her husband.  I told her by the way I usually see you in church and I know where you love sitting in church and immediately we started our fellowship and we forgave each other we hugged and I purposed to make her my friend from that day.  After we left my children also were very happy of what happened and even the reconciliation process.  My son was very excited that I could own up my mistake and seek for forgiveness even in their presence and that made my son proud of me and told me “Mum, surely you love God.  That was very good and am happy you have reconciled with that lady” That remark from my son also made me proud to be a role model to my son and also the mother I am the them.

What a way of reconciling? I realized even as saved as I am.  I will face so many things that will make me fall and make me look like am not a Christian.  Most of the time our personalities can make us sin since we feel we should not be offended or offend others but that is a weapon from the devil to make us sin and fall.  I thank God that I was not comfortable with the incident and I went on praying in my heart that I could seek forgiveness from my dear sister whom we finally forgave each other and became friends.  I did not have to go home the way I was and carry her in my heart and not seek peace with her.

This lesson made me understand; I will sin but how I will react will determine if I walk in spirit or just without the spirit of God.  Because if I am filled with the Holy Spirit, I should seek for forgiveness and not harden my heart but deal with my issues and with this lesson I learnt that am a very proud woman who needed to deal with Pride.  Lord help me to know my weaknesses so that I work on them and live a holy life.  It is not easy but it will mean I really have to surrender to Him and He will help me because He knows me just the way I am.  The Bible tells me in Galatians 2:20 (I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”)